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Some people think that dangerous sports such as boxing, or motor-racing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Some people think that dangerous sports such as boxing, or motor-racing should be banned. with this statement? v. 1
It is undeniable that some sports are likely considered to be risky and unsafe for some people. In my opinion, some of these sports should not be allowed for a couple of reasons. First of all, boxing is a kind of a sport that might make fatal injuries for athletes in the long run. This is because an athlete might be hit in the head repetitively, which will damage the brain. For instance, the iconic boxer Mike Tyson, which considers one of the strongest players in boxing is, unfortunately, suffering from Parkinson disease due to this kind of sports. Moreover, doctors announced that the main reason behind this disease is being hit many times into very sensitive areas. In contrast, if he did not play this kind of sports, he would not have this disease. Furthermore, another type of sports that should be banned is motor-racing. The reason behind it is that racers sometimes lose the ability to control their bikes due to high speed, as these bikes can simply exceed 300 kilo-meters per hour. Therefore, deadly accidents might occur and resulted in death. To illustrate, Michael Schumacher was recently suffering from a coma for 5 years due to a deadly accident in the World Race Championship. Officials said that he lost control on one of the curves and resulted in serious injuries. On the contrary, if he was not driving at a high speed on that curve, he would not be able to be in this coma for many years. To conclude, many sports should be prohibited to save lives. Although such sports bring excitements through the crowds, athletes can suffer from serious injuries.
It is undeniable that
some
sports
are likely considered to be risky and unsafe for
some
people
. In my opinion,
some
of these
sports
should not be
allowed
for a couple of reasons.

First of all
, boxing is a
kind of a
sport
that might
make
fatal injuries for athletes in the long run. This is
because
an athlete might
be hit
in the head
repetitively
, which will damage the brain.
For instance
, the iconic boxer Mike Tyson, which considers one of the strongest players in boxing is, unfortunately, suffering from Parkinson disease due to this kind of
sports
.
Moreover
, doctors announced that the main reason behind this disease is
being hit
many
times into
very
sensitive areas.
In contrast
, if he did not play this kind of
sports
, he would not have this disease.

Furthermore
, another type of
sports
that should
be banned
is motor-racing. The reason behind it is that racers
sometimes
lose the ability to control their bikes due to high speed, as these bikes can
simply
exceed 300 kilo-meters per hour.
Therefore
, deadly accidents might occur and resulted in death. To illustrate, Michael Schumacher was recently suffering from a coma for 5 years due to a deadly accident in the World Race Championship. Officials said that he lost control on one of the curves and resulted in serious injuries.
On the contrary
, if he was not driving at a high speed on that curve, he would not be able to be in this coma for
many
years.

To conclude
,
many
sports
should
be prohibited
to save
lives
. Although such
sports
bring excitements through the crowds, athletes can suffer from serious injuries.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that dangerous sports such as boxing, or motor-racing should be banned. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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