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In some areas of the US, a curfew was imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to go out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompained by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v.2

In some areas of the US, a curfew was imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to go out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompained by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 2
A curfew was inflicted on some cities of US, which states that no children under eighteen years are allowed to go outside after a specific time at night. If they have to go they should go under the supervision of a grown up. I totally agree with this statement because it is imposed for the safety and protection of children. Although, some people argue that it is unnecessary to enforce curfew as less people follow it, but it is wise to follow the rules. Rules are made for our own safety and protection, especially for the security of juveniles. At this particular age, we have the curiosity to try and experience everything, therefore it is quite possible that we may end up in the wrong hands. Night time is the best time for criminals and different types of mafia to make contacts and find vulnerable children. For example, drug dealers often roam around the cities and streets at night and youngsters for adventure become their prey. To protect the children from such people, they should be accompanied by an adult while going out after late hours. Due to this, criminals would not approach them and in this way they will be saved against crimes. Furthermore, the guardian or anyone else who escort them, can keep a tab on their activities and guide them when necessary. For instance, if criminal approaches the children they can immediately warn their adults about it, or parents can alert the police if they see any suspect. In conclusion, sometime curfew seems a very extreme and strict action, but it is for safety purpose and can save many lives. Hence, it is better to follow the rules instead of regretting afterwards.
A curfew
was inflicted
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cities of US, which states that no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under eighteen years are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go outside after a specific time at night.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go they should go under the supervision of a grown up. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is imposed
for the safety and protection of children.

Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it is unnecessary to enforce curfew as
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
follow it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is wise to follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Rules
are made
for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety and protection,
especially
for the security of juveniles. At this particular age, we have the curiosity to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
experience everything,
therefore
it is quite possible that we may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands.
This word is normally spelled as one.
Night time
is the best time for criminals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of mafia to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contacts and find vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, drug dealers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
roam around the cities and streets at night and youngsters for adventure become their prey.

To protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they should
be accompanied
by an adult while going out after late hours. Due to this, criminals would not approach them and in this way they will
be saved
against crimes.
Furthermore
, the guardian or anyone else who escort them, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a tab on their activities and guide them when necessary.
For instance
, if criminal approaches the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they can immediately warn their adults about it, or parents can alert the police if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any suspect.

In conclusion
, sometime curfew seems a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
extreme and strict action,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is for safety purpose and can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Hence
, it is better to follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
instead
of regretting afterwards.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In some areas of the US, a curfew was imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to go out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompained by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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