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Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v.17

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 17
It is undeniable that a lot of people try to hide their real age and attempt to look younger. In fact, many people dislike the question about their age and find it embarrassing. Personally, I think this is because aging has been associated with many diseases and illnesses, whereas looking young always reflects beauty and good health. However, this obsession with looking young has many negative effects on individuals and societies. To begin with, the need to defeat aging is not a new trend as people throughout the history were always fascinated by the strength and the charm of young people. For example, many ancient civilizations claimed that they had found the secret of eternal youth. This phenomenon has never changed in the modern era. Inspired by the media and celebrities who always ensure that they never get old people are now more concerned about the aging and ready to do anything to keep their young looks. Thus youngsters’ need to look good is related to the influence of popular culture and media. Unfortunately, this is not a positive thing for several reasons. Firstly, many individuals are being obsessed with their age to such an extent that they splurge on cosmetics products and surgeries. This in turn has devastating impacts on their general health. For instance, studies have shown a strong link between breast cancer and breast enlargement surgery. Secondly, many people, who try to look younger, act like youngsters as well, with all its recklessness and issues, ignoring the wisdom that is supposed to come with aging. Therefore, the attempt to defy aging is harmful to both individuals and communities. To conclude, the obsession with looking young is fuelled by many factors including peer pressure and media influence. Unfortunately, this is a negative trend and hence it should be discouraged. People need to realize that there is no harm in getting old and rather than trying to look younger, they should learn to appreciate the wisdom and maturity that come with aging.
It is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their real age and attempt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
younger. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dislike the question about their age and find it embarrassing.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
aging has
been associated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases and illnesses, whereas looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
always reflects beauty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.
However
, this obsession with looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on individuals and societies.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the need to defeat aging is not a new trend as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the history were always fascinated by the strength and the charm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ancient civilizations claimed that they had found the secret of eternal youth. This phenomenon has never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the modern era. Inspired by the media and celebrities who always ensure that they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more concerned about the aging and ready to do anything to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
youngsters’ need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
is related
to the influence of popular culture and media.

Unfortunately, this is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing for several reasons.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are
being obsessed
with their age to such an extent that they splurge on cosmetics products and surgeries. This in turn has devastating impacts on their general health.
For instance
, studies have shown a strong link between breast cancer and breast enlargement surgery.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
younger, act like youngsters
as well
, with all its recklessness and issues, ignoring the wisdom that
is supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with aging.
Therefore
, the attempt to defy aging is harmful to both individuals and communities.

To conclude
, the obsession with looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
is fuelled
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors including peer pressure and media influence. Unfortunately, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend and
hence
it should
be discouraged
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to realize that there is no harm in getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
rather
than trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
younger, they should learn to appreciate the wisdom and maturity that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with aging.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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