Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed if they are used as money making attractions aimed at tourists.other however believe that is the only way to save these traditions.discuss both these views.

It is irrefutable that cultural traditions attract lure from all over the world and develop local economy. some individuals are of they are modified to attract tourists. however others think it is a best way to both points in impending paragraph before reaching at the logical conclusion. To embark upon, people make these cultural traditions alluring for tourists because they need tourists in their country. Firstly, tourism boosts country's economy and secondly people get a chance to spread their culture to different countries. Apart from this, people more enthusiasm to know about another nation's culture and make movies on that culture. Tourism is the backbone of any country's economy and every country does its efforts to attract tourists. many people depend on tourism for their livelihood. People in the food industry, hotel industry and transport industry depend on tourism. On the other hand, when cultural traditions are used as money making attractions, they lose their original features. Sometimes it makes cultural traditions disappear altogether. However I believe that culture and tradition are deep rooted and minor superficial changes cannot harm them in any way. After pondering over the great deal of thoughts I have come to the conclusion that to save cultural traditions people need to make some changes to make them captivating to the tourist of today. If people don't do so they will lose their cultural traditions altogether and they will lose their tourists also.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
attract lure from all over the world and develop local economy.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
some
individuals are of they
are modified
to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
however
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
Use “the” with the superlative.
a
best way to both points in impending paragraph
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching at the logical conclusion.

To embark upon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
alluring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in their country.
Firstly
, tourism boosts country's economy and
secondly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to spread their culture to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more enthusiasm to know about another nation's culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
movies on that culture.

Tourism is the backbone of any country's economy and every country does its efforts to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend on tourism for their livelihood.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the food industry, hotel industry and transport industry depend on tourism.

On the other hand
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as money making attractions, they lose their original features.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
disappear altogether.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I believe that culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
are
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
deep rooted
and minor superficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
cannot harm them in any way.

“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
pondering over the great deal of thoughts I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the conclusion that to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them captivating to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
altogether and
they will lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
also
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed if they are used as money making attractions aimed at tourists. other however believe that is the only way to save these traditions.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts