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Some people think that children start school at four, while in others, they do not have to start formal education until seven or eight. Are you agree or not?

Some people think that children start school at four, while in others, they do not have to start formal education until seven or eight. Are you agree or not? BlBQd
These days there is an ongoing debate between people about children's school age. Some people think that they start formal education at the age of four, while in others, they do not have to begin until seven or eight. In this essay I shall support my point of view that advantages outweigh disadvantages. First of all, if children start school at the age of four, they will get all the degrees they need. Because of the fact that their memory is in very good condition at this age and they are interested in learning all kinds of knowledge by videos, cartoons, flashcards and also toys. They are able to learn four or five languages at the same time. It is the best opportunity for parents to improve their children's speaking skills. On the other hand, teachers find it difficult to teach four year old pupils because they learn easily but they forget quickly. In addition to this, they often ask their teachers questions like this: May I drink? May I eat something? May I go to the toilet? To sum up, there are strong arguments both sides of these view, I strongly recommend that children must start school at the age of seven or eight. Since they are ready for studying both physically and mentally. At four they are allowed to play and have fun.
These days there is an ongoing debate between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about children's school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
formal education at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of four, while in others, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
until seven or eight. In this essay I shall support my point of view that advantages outweigh disadvantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
school at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of four, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the degrees they need.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
Because of the fact that
their memory is in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition at this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
age and
they
are interested
in learning all kinds of knowledge by videos, cartoons, flashcards and
also
toys. They are able to learn four or five languages at the same time. It is the best opportunity for parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their children's speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
On the other hand
, teachers find it difficult to teach four year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they learn
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they forget
quickly
.
In addition
to this, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
ask their teachers questions like this: May I drink? May I eat something? May I go to the
This expression can be considered mildly offensive (especially in Canadian and American English).
toilet
? To sum up, there are strong arguments both sides of these view, I
strongly
recommend that children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
school at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of seven or eight. Since they are ready for studying both
physically
and mentally. At
The comma is probably missing here: "four, they".
four they
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to play and have fun.
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IELTS essay Some people think that children start school at four, while in others, they do not have to start formal education until seven or eight. Are you agree or not?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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