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some people think that children should take advice from their parents but others disagree. discuss both views and give your opinion?

some people think that children should take advice from their parents but others disagree. gYjVA
In this modern era, children want to enjoy their life according to own choice due to advancement in technology. people have claimed that it is better for youngers if they take suggestions from their guardians but others deem it as travial development. I, nevertheless support the later view which will be elucidated furthers, varying first discussed the two counter views in detail. To commence with, children can perform better if they listen their parents because care takers have experience to tackle with difficult problems. In other words parents can suggest their children that what is right or wrong in their work and how they can solve difficult problems. For instance, recent research in Australia showed that 70% of children choose right path for their future and escaped from crime due to followed their guardians advice. Hence, youngers can make their future bright if they take suggestions from their parents related to their work. On the contrary, taking decision from care takers can make the children dependent and they can not try to solve their problems on their own. To elaborate it, youngers can become strong and expert for their future if they choose own work and take decisions on their own. For example, an survey declared that most of the young people are suffered mental stress because they did not know how they can solve their difficulties. Thus, cognitive skills and decision making power can be improved if children do their work on their own without any advice. to conclude, although people would continue to hold varying perspectives regarding the taking suggestions from parents to do work in life, I reckon that children take their decision on their own because it will improve the ability to solve difficult situations in their future easily.
In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to enjoy their life according to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice due to advancement in technology.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
have claimed that it is better for
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
if they take suggestions from their guardians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others deem it as
Possible spelling mistake found.
travial
development. I,
nevertheless
support the later view which will
be elucidated
furthers, varying
first
discussed the two counter views in detail. To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can perform better if they listen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
care takers have experience to tackle with difficult problems.
In other words
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can suggest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and how they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
difficult problems.
For instance
, recent research in Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose right path for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and escaped from crime due to followed their guardians advice.
Hence
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
bright if they take suggestions from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
related to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
On the contrary
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
from care takers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dependent and
they can not try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
their problems on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. To elaborate it,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers can
become strong and expert for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
if they choose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For example
,
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
survey declared that most of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are suffered
mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not know how they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
their difficulties.
Thus
, cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
power can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without any advice.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
conclude, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would continue to hold varying perspectives regarding the taking suggestions from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in life, I reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
difficult situations in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
easily
.
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IELTS essay some people think that children should take advice from their parents but others disagree.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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