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Some people think that children should learn world history. Others believe that it is more important to learn the history of their own country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that children should learn world history. Others believe that it is more important to learn the history of their own country. PVL9p
Nowadays, a number of people reckon that studying motherland history plays a much more significant role for undergraduate than world history lessons. From my point of view, the world-historical experience which is transferring through school’s lesson can teach contemporary youth better than if they learn the history by example only their own country. On the one hand, people point out that historical knowledge of their country teaches adolescents to consider all previous mistakes and achievements. Country legacy, cultural norms, and traditions from the previous generation are able to give abundance numbers of remarkable practical lessons which could be applied within a country for its prosperous future. Furthermore, this heritage knowledge will help to avoid various civil conflicts or even wars. The proponents of this opinion think if each pupil knows his homeland history, he will care and protect it all his life. On the other hand, world history includes an endless number of wise decisions from numerous generations and accordingly can incredibly extend horizons of understanding world problems from the current graduate. This world practice will help them not only find always the right solution but also avoid military conflicts. Apparently, our world has become so accessible due to the cutting-edge technology and it is simply unacceptable to allow our children to live with strict historical knowledge. To conclude, despite the fact that some individuals insist on the priority of studying history only their own country at school, other people try to convince that world-historical experience hands to our kids much useful information for their further development. I definitely belong to followers of studying world history and believe that world-historical knowledge includes answers to all questions and it will help cope with all obstacles our children in the future.
Nowadays, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon that studying motherland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
plays a much more significant role for undergraduate than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
lessons. From my point of view, the world-historical experience which is transferring through school’s lesson can teach contemporary youth better than if they learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
by example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
point out that historical knowledge of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
teaches adolescents to consider all previous mistakes and achievements.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
legacy, cultural norms, and traditions from the previous generation are able to give abundance numbers of remarkable practical lessons which could
be applied
within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for its prosperous future.
Furthermore
, this heritage knowledge will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to avoid various civil conflicts or even wars. The proponents of this opinion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if each pupil knows his homeland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, he will care and protect it all his life.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
includes an endless number of wise decisions from numerous generations and
accordingly
can
incredibly
extend horizons of understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
problems from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
graduate. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
practice will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
find always the right solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
avoid military conflicts.
Apparently
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
accessible due to the cutting-edge technology and it is
simply
unacceptable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
our children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with strict historical knowledge.

To conclude
, despite the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals insist on the priority of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
at school, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
try to convince that world-historical experience hands to our kids much useful information for their
further
development. I definitely belong to followers of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and believe that world-historical knowledge includes answers to all questions and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
cope with all obstacles our children in the future.

IELTS essay Some people think that children should learn world history. Others believe that it is more important to learn the history of their own country.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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