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People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. KwVR1
Every individual will have their own career plans, I think people should decide on a career path as early as possible and insists on it will have a better working satisfying finally. On the one hand, involved in a career field early can become an expert in this field early. As we all know, most companies or institutions around the world are hard to enrol senior workers but easy to recruit junior workers. This means that senior employees will receive higher salaries. Moreover, when people ageing, the additional time people can pay for work will become less since most of them may under the pressure of raising children and taking care of their ageing parents. This will also affect their career achievements. So, people who started a job earlier and familiar with it will receive higher job satisfaction earlier. On the other hand, people who keep working on a career path can broaden their career horizons. For example, Bruce Lee, a martial artist, who familiar with Kung FU, had become a widely known movie star finally. But in the beginning, he just studied martial art for boxing matches. So, keep working on a specific path will see more possibles and enlarge the working boundary finally. However, people who change jobs frequently will find it hard to become a specialist. When they start another job as a junior worker, they need to compete with colleagues who are younger and who may have a larger probability of having promotion opportunities. Apart from this peer pressure, they are also anxious about the achievements of their lives. Some of them may already be 40 years old, but nothing in their career can be proud of. In conclusion, it is better to decide on a career plan as early as possible and keep working on it.
Every individual will have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
plans, I
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think
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people
should decide on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as possible and insists on it will have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
satisfying
finally
.

On the one hand, involved in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an expert in this field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
. As we all know, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or institutions around the world are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to enrol senior workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
easy to recruit junior workers. This means that senior employees will receive higher salaries.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
, the additional time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pay for work will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
less since most of them may under the pressure of raising children and taking care of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
parents. This will
also
affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
achievements.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
earlier and familiar with it will receive higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction earlier.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path can broaden their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
horizons.
For example
, Bruce Lee, a martial artist,
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a familiar".
who familiar
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kung
Possible spelling mistake found.
FU
, had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
widely
known movie star
finally
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the beginning, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
studied martial art for boxing matches.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on a specific path will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more possibles and enlarge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
boundary
finally
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
frequently
will find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a specialist. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a junior worker, they need to compete with colleagues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are younger and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
may have a larger probability of having promotion opportunities. Apart from this peer pressure, they are
also
anxious about the achievements of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them may already be 40 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nothing in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
can be proud of.

In conclusion
, it is better to decide on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
plan as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as possible and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on it.
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IELTS essay People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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