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Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age, others would disagree with that

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age, others would disagree with that AjJ5N
Education is very important for everyone. Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and spend most of their time on school studies. This will help them to succeed in the future. However, for several reasons, which I will explain bellow, I think that children should not study at a very early age. The first important reasons is that they aren’t responsible enough to get their knowledge. In order to go to school or to study, you should be mature enough to get your education very efficiently. So, if children's mind still thinking about playing and about many other thinks rather than studying, they can’t benefit from their leisure time. For example, I have a small daughter at age 4 years. She spends her time playing with her barbie and watching television. Once day, I decided to enrol her in the preschool. Sadly, she spent the whole month crying because she could not understand anything. Her mind is confused and cannot write her homework because she depends on me to finish it for her. Consequently, I decided to take her off from the school. Luckily, I realized that it is too early to put her in the heavy educational system and she won't be happy with that. As you can see, my daughter hasn’t had been enjoy her age if I put her in a system that she couldn’t understand. The second reasons, I think that every child must have his or her childhood. Children should learn through playing and communication with their friends and parents. Childhood comes but once in life and should be spent as much as possible with parents. Another important aspect of this is that children at their early ages need more exercise, because at this age the development of their body is a very essential aspect. The stress of school and homework stifles the growth of many children. In sum, education is necessary for everyone but it has its age. Children should have their careless childhood with no responsibilities. Moreover, I am sure that playing helps them develop not only their bones and muscles but their ability to make decisions, analyse things, make conclusions, which is very good for their future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and spend most of their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
studies. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to succeed in the future.
However
, for several reasons, which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
bellow, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not study at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age.

The
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that they aren’t responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their knowledge. In order to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or to study, you should be mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficiently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if children's mind
still
thinking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and about
Possible agreement error. The noun other seems to be countable; consider using: "many others".
many other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
rather
than studying, they can’t benefit from their leisure time.
For example
, I have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
daughter at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
4 years. She spends her time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with her barbie and watching television. Once day, I decided to enrol her in the preschool.
Sadly
, she spent the whole month crying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she could not understand anything. Her mind
is confused
and cannot write her homework
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she depends on me to finish it for her.
Consequently
, I decided to take her off from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Luckily, I realized that it is too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
to put her in the heavy educational
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
system and
she won't be happy with that. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, my daughter hasn’t had been
Consider using a past participle here: "enjoyed".
enjoy
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
if I put her in a system that she couldn’t understand.

The second reasons, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that every child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
childhood.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should learn through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and communication with their friends and parents. Childhood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
once in life and should
be spent
as much as possible with parents. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
need more exercise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
the development of their body is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential aspect. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and homework stifles the growth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is necessary for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should have their careless childhood with no responsibilities.
Moreover
, I am sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them develop not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their bones and muscles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
things,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
conclusions, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their future.
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IELTS essay Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age, others would disagree with that

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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