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Recently, some publics are talking about should some business move from cities to rural areas. Some people think the advantages are outweigh the disadvantages because it can increase the economic in rural area.

Recently, some publics are talking about should some business move from cities to rural areas. Some people think the advantages are outweigh the disadvantages because it can increase the economic in rural area. ljXE9
Rapid industrialisation in urban areas has contributed to the improvement in economic growth. However it also brings many drawbacks and issue such as heavy environmental deterioration and intensive population in cities. As a result of public attention, there is a debate discussing whether the government should redistribute some business from urban areas to rural areas. The phenomenon is not restricted to city centre, but also is evident amount polluted cities. I am convinced that this policy will contribute to the improvement in standard of living in urban areas and masks most of the disadvantages. It seems that redistributing business from urban areas to countrysides can contribute to numerous benefits. Undoubtedly, this plan will not only mitigates the pressure from fierce competition in cities but also reduces the economic discrepancy between rich and poor regions. For instance, the issues of heavy pollution, traffic jam, and many inconveniences have aroused while many industries are concentrated in the area where has an immense population. In this case, political powers can transfer labor-intensive industries from polluted areas to the countryside. Therefore, the goal of reducing the intension of the population in an urban area that can diminish traffic jams and stimulating economic development in rural areas can accomplish efficiently. In contrast, if those businesses keep concentrate in the city, the life expectations of the public may decrease a lot. However, other people gripe that the policy of distribution has many drawbacks and problems that need to be considered. By this, it means the inadequate of facilities in rural areas could lead many the inconveniences for those new settlers. To give a clear example, this phenomenon can present due to the poor medical treatment, poor quality accommodations, lack of entertainment and transportation facility. Another big issue that most people are concerning about is the pollution. To illustrate this, a large number of enterprises move to countrysides will cause secondary pollution in the environment which harmful substances such as toxic chemical particles and greenhouse gas released from factories will contaminate natural resources. Nevertheless, this is not convincing since there is an immediate solution that government can allocate funds for building facilities and equipment in order to satisfy people's expectation of life, also provide new administration and strategy to control and alleviate the deterioration issues. Overall, the plan which redistributes some business from urban areas to rural areas can contribute to numerous benefits and improve publics' standard of living. All things considered, since the disadvantages of this policy could be handled by the strategy of government, the advantages overweight the disadvantages whether from economic or social and environmental way. I believe that this program will lead to a good phenomenon within city centres and polluted areas.
Rapid
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
has contributed to the improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it
also
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks and issue such as heavy environmental deterioration and intensive population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
As a result
of public attention, there is a debate discussing whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should redistribute
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. The phenomenon is not restricted to city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is evident amount polluted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. I
am convinced
that this policy will contribute to the improvement in standard of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and masks most of the disadvantages.

It seems that redistributing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to countrysides can contribute to numerous benefits.
Undoubtedly
, this plan will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The verb 'will' requires base form of the verb: "mitigate"
mitigates
the pressure from fierce competition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
discrepancy between rich and poor regions.
For instance
, the issues of heavy pollution, traffic jam, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inconveniences have aroused while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries
are concentrated
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
where has an immense population.
In this case
, political powers can transfer labor-intensive industries from polluted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to the countryside.
Therefore
, the goal of reducing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
intension
of the population in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
that can diminish traffic jams and stimulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can accomplish
efficiently
.
In contrast
, if those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
concentrate in the city, the life expectations of the public may decrease a lot.

However
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gripe that the policy of distribution has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks and problems that need to
be considered
. By this, it means the inadequate of facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
could lead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
the inconveniences for those new settlers. To give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, this phenomenon can present due to the poor medical treatment, poor quality accommodations, lack of entertainment and transportation facility. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are concerning
about is the pollution. To illustrate this,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
enterprises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to countrysides will cause secondary pollution in the environment which harmful substances such as toxic chemical particles and greenhouse gas released from factories will contaminate natural resources.

Nevertheless
, this is not convincing since there is an immediate solution that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can allocate funds for building facilities and equipment in order to satisfy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's expectation of life,
also
provide new administration and strategy to control and alleviate the deterioration issues.

Overall
, the plan which redistributes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can contribute to numerous benefits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
publics
' standard of living. All things considered, since the disadvantages of this policy could
be handled
by the strategy of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, the advantages overweight the disadvantages whether from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
or social and environmental way. I believe that this program will lead to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
phenomenon within city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and polluted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
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IELTS essay Recently, some publics are talking about should some business move from cities to rural areas. Some people think the advantages are outweigh the disadvantages because it can increase the economic in rural area.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
449 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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