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Some people think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of preschool age.

Some people think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of preschool age. 6mD70
When it comes to the question of whether childcare centers offer the best service for babies or not, while many people think that the young staying at home with grandparents has benefits, it is my opinion, childcare services offer more advantages. On the one hand, there are several reasons why children should go to school. There is an evident reason is that childcare centers not only are professional in taking care of children but also provide a suitable environment for their development. Firstly, these centers are equipped with modern facilities such as playgrounds, kid labs, and gardens. As a result, young clients can learn about the natural world and engage in a range of physical and intellectual activities. Moreover, the exposure to principle knowledge and activities helps children to develop character and physical well-being. Secondly, while children partake in said activities, children needs are taken care of by professional caregivers who are experts in child psychology and various pedagogical methods. Thereby, it is facilities and services provided by such centers that are often thought to be better than amenities. On the other hand, I think that children should stay at home with their grandparents in order to assure babies of a place in which is totally safe to grow and learn. As a matter of fact, grandparents usually offer undivided attention to their grandchildren. In addition, the old often watch out for a potentially dangerous situation where their children may injure themselves. In terms of children at school, the sheer number of teenagers at childcare center make it difficult for caregivers to monitor every child at any given time. Only by staying at home, can children be shelled away from being bullied by aggressive peers. In conclusion, while various people believe teenagers should be at home with their family members, I believe we ought to bring children to elementary school for their development.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
childcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
offer the best service for babies or not, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the young staying at home with grandparents has benefits, it is my opinion, childcare services offer more advantages.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should go to school. There is an evident reason is that childcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are professional in taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide a suitable environment for their development.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
are equipped
with modern facilities such as playgrounds, kid labs, and gardens.
As a result
, young clients can learn about the natural world and engage in a range of physical and intellectual activities.
Moreover
, the exposure to principle knowledge and activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop character and physical well-being.
Secondly
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
partake in said activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
needs
are taken
care of by professional caregivers who are experts in child psychology and various pedagogical methods. Thereby, it is facilities and services provided by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be better than amenities.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should stay at home with their grandparents in order to assure babies of a place in which is
totally
safe to grow and learn. As a matter of fact, grandparents
usually
offer undivided attention to their grandchildren.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
out for a
potentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation where their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may injure themselves. In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at school, the sheer number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
at childcare center
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult for caregivers to monitor every child at any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by staying at home, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be shelled
away from
being bullied
by aggressive peers.

In conclusion
, while various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should be at home with their family members, I believe we ought to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to elementary school for their development.
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IELTS essay Some people think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of preschool age.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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