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Some people think that art is essential subject for children

Some people think that art is essential subject for children ORXXG
Nowadays, people hold different options about whether art is an necessary discipline for children at school. While many individuals think students should learn other subjects instead of it, I personally believe that designing or painting will help them a lot. On the one hand, learning art may waste children's time. Firstly, students have to attend lots of classes about science subjects or history and literature, in some schools, so they do not have enough time for studying arts. Secondly, students may not have opportunities to develop their field. For example, famous companies often focus on improving technology or modern devices, which requires professional skill about computers and sciences. Therefore, youngsters will not have ability to apply on these companies or get higher salaries if they spend too much time for art. On the other hand, this subject may helped children in some aspects of life. One benefit would be that they cam be more clever and creative in cases. Art subjects such as painting or drawing help children to develop their thinking about many aspects of life through certain topics, therefore, students can cope with accidental problems easily. Moreover, children have a chance to relax after a long day. Studying about music or art not only help them to develop thought-provoking skill, but also help them to refresh their mind and balance mood, so they can acquire professional knowledge quicker and no more tiring tasks. In conclusion, while some people think that art subjects are not essential for children, I personally believe that they can gain knowledge and improve soft skill through these activities.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
options about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
necessary discipline for
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children
at school. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should learn other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
instead
of it, I
personally
believe that designing or painting will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them a lot.

On the one hand, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
may waste children's time.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend lots of classes about science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
or history and literature, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may not have opportunities to develop their field.
For example
,
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famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
focus on improving technology or modern devices, which requires professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
about computers and sciences.
Therefore
, youngsters will not have ability to apply on these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher salaries if they spend too much time for art.

On the other hand
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects of life. One benefit would be that they
Did you mean "came" (past tense of 'to come')?
cam
be more clever and creative in cases.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as painting or drawing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop their thinking about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of life through certain topics,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can cope with accidental problems
easily
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a chance to relax after a long day. Studying about music or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-provoking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to refresh their mind and balance mood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can acquire professional knowledge quicker and no more tiring tasks.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are not essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I
personally
believe that they can gain knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
through these activities.
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IELTS essay Some people think that art is essential subject for children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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