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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. 7725
The art subject has become compulsory in almost every school. Some people think that it is an essential subject, but others opine that it is a waste of time. Even though both of them are correct to some extent, I think it should be an elective subject since not everyone is interested in arts. Some people think that the art subject is important for children since it can improve them in several ways. Art will make children innovative and improve their concentration because it involves fun and also demands thinking. In other words, it enhances the creativity in children without putting them under stress. For example, playing flute involves fun and also they need to be innovative to compose their own music. Besides, they should memorize some techniques to master the instrument. Hence, the subject is good in making children innovative/creative and focused in an enjoyable way. Secondly, art would help them to support themselves financially when they grew up. For example, if a child is good at playing a musical instrument, they can earn money in future by showcasing their skills. On the other hand, some people think that learning art is a waste of time. Not all students are good at arts, so it might not support them in future. So, they opine that investing time in a subject which is not going to help in future is a waste of time; instead/rather they should focus on subjects which attract them the most. To sum up, in my opinion, whether or not a student should learn art depends on their interest. So, the institutions should make the art class as an elective subject; therefore, interested students can sign up according to their choice.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
has become compulsory in almost every school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others opine that it is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Even though
both of them are correct to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it should be an elective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
since not everyone
is interested
in arts.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them in several ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
innovative and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their concentration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it involves fun and
also
demands thinking.
In other words
, it enhances the creativity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without putting them under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
, playing flute involves fun and
also
they need to be innovative to compose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
music.
Besides
, they should memorize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
techniques to master the instrument.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is
The usual preposition for this expression is "at". Did you mean, "good at making"?
good in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
innovative/creative and focused
Consider replacing "in an enjoyable way" with the adverb for "enjoyable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an enjoyable way
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to support themselves
financially
when they grew up.
For example
, if a child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at playing a musical instrument, they can earn money in future by showcasing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Not all students are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it might not support them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they opine that investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which is not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in future is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
;
instead
/
rather
they should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which attract them the most.

To sum up, in my opinion,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
a student should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
depends on their interest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the institutions should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as an elective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
;
therefore
, interested students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up according to their choice.

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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