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Today many companies use advertisements on the Internet. Why? What problems does it create?

Today many companies use advertisements on the Internet. Why? What problems does it create? 10GM
Today, adverts on the internet is utilize by most companies. I will show why they promote their products with this way and this method create the problems. A number of companies in order to widen the volumes of their sales utilize from advertisements on the internet. With this way, not only local people will their products, but also the world population will be able to recognize them. That is why, numerous companies invest much money to the their digital marketing. Thus, their finance can be increased through the internet since more people will see and buy their produces. However, this method of add leads to some problems. Firstly and foremost, companies’ adverts on the internet can be attacked by hackers because they are able to receive the products, which they want, without any payment. This problem also causes destroying of the websites of companies. While corporations create website in order to adds on the internet, this problem forces firms to rise the protection. Secondly, companies’ customers, who purchase by online, can decrease since this is related to the site’s speed. Site running slow can cause customers’ boredom and they can exit easily from there. For instance, Amazon, which is the best online shopping in the world, noticed that their buyers have reduced due to delaying 1 second and they immediately figure out this issue. Therefore, Their sales have boosted again after solving this problem. In conclusion, the most companies use to advert so that to rise their sales, nevertheless, there are some obstacles, such as cyber attacks and website’s speed.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, adverts on the internet is
Consider using a past participle here: "utilized".
utilize
by most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why they promote their products with this way and this method create the problems.

A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in order to widen the volumes of their sales utilize from advertisements on the internet. With this way, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will their products,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the world population will be able to recognize them.
That is
why, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
invest much money to
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their digital" or "the digital"?
the their digital
marketing.
Thus
, their finance can
be increased
through the internet since more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their produces.

However
, this method of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.
Firstly
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
adverts on the internet can
be attacked
by hackers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are able to receive the products, which they want, without any payment. This problem
also
causes destroying of the websites of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. While corporations create website in order to
Did you mean "add"?
adds
on the internet, this problem forces firms to rise the protection.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
customers, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
by online, can decrease since this
is related
to the site’s speed. Site running slow can cause customers’
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
boredom and
they can exit
easily
from there.
For instance
, Amazon, which is the best online shopping in the world, noticed that their buyers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to delaying 1
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
second and
they immediately figure out this issue.
Therefore
, Their sales have boosted again after solving this problem.

In conclusion
, the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
advert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that to rise their sales,
nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacles, such as
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber attacks
and website’s speed.

IELTS essay Today many companies use advertisements on the Internet. Why? What problems does it create?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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