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Some people think that advertising targeting children should be banned. Others, however, think that they should not be banned. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that advertising targeting children should be banned. Others, however, think that they should not be banned. Rqlp
According to a number of people, while adverts which target children ought to be inhibited, others think opposite of this view. In my opinion, these should be put some restriction. Some of people consider that such advertisements might be beneficial for children, because they can learn new activations from those adverts. Some companies add into their product some useful items, for instance puzzles. Even though this action is the strategy of marketing, this can help children’s improvements. Not only they spend interesting time by playing, but also their brains evolve with this way. Thus, people, who support adverts, are against the banning of advertisements due to this reason. However, I think that some adverts should be restrained, since children do not comprehend everything exactly, meaning that they can watch adverts and can want that product which is encouraged by some companies. Definitely, Every family is not the same conditions and they are not enough money in order to buy any product which their children want. Which is why, Some of them are not able to purchase those commodities. That is why, this situation can make problems between parent and offspring. Therefore, Companies ought to put some regulations related to this. In conclusion, While a number of people argue that advertising targeting children is useful for children and children’s development, Others and I think conversely due to lack of money.
According to a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while adverts which target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to
be inhibited
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
opposite of this view. In my opinion, these should
be put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restriction.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that such advertisements might be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can learn new activations from those adverts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
into their product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful items,
for instance
puzzles.
Even though
this action is the strategy of marketing, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
improvements. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they spend interesting time by playing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their brains evolve with this way.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who support adverts, are against the banning of advertisements due to this reason.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverts should
be restrained
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not comprehend everything exactly, meaning that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
adverts and can want that product which
is encouraged
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Definitely, Every family is not the same
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
conditions and
they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any product which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want. Which is why,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
those commodities.
That is
why, this situation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
problems between parent and offspring.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
ought to put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regulations related to this.

In conclusion
, While a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that advertising targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development, Others and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
conversely
due to lack of money.
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IELTS essay Some people think that advertising targeting children should be banned. Others, however, think that they should not be banned.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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