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Some people think that advertisements are good for the society whereas others oppose this view. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that advertisements are good for the society whereas others oppose this view. Kkp0
These days with an increase in population and due to that, increase of requirements, many companies have been established to meet these needs, and consequently, a competition for selling has been started between these companies. This topic has caused that the rate of advertisement gets extremely higher every day and people get bombarded with advertisement all day. In my concern, the existence of advertisement is necessary for improving the quality of life however, this should have a limit. The advertisement has become an inevitable part of society and industry, in the way that the survival of a company depends on their advertisement and, this has made the role of proper advertising in the profitability of companies more colorful than before. Moreover, society and people need to get familiar with all companies’ products to have the best choice and have a better life. For instance, a company in Japan produces an awesome product and the person who lives in Europe will never know that something like this exists if there was not an advertisement. Furthermore, the advertisement can help people to find the best product in terms of quality and price. On the other hand, in recent years, the competition between companies in the advertisement has led to disturbing people’s normal life and in some cases, privacy violations have happened. To illustrate, the personal information of people is collected by companies which provide social media, and this information is sold to other companies, and they use this information for personalizing the advertisement for each person which is an obvious example of privacy violation. In addition, lots of these advertisements are to trick people to buy something which they don’t need and this will cause an increase in consumerism. To summarize, it can be supposed that advertisement is very effective and useful in many ways. Nonetheless, some companies abuse advertisement for increasing their profit. Hence, people must be careful about ads.
These days with an increase in population and due to that, increase of requirements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have
been established
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
these needs, and
consequently
, a competition for selling has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
between these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. This topic has caused that the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
extremely
higher every day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bombarded with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
all day. In my concern, the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is necessary for improving the quality of life
however
, this should have a limit.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has become an inevitable part of society and industry, in the way that the survival of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
depends on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
and, this has made the role of proper advertising in the profitability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
more colorful than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Moreover
, society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
products to have the best choice and have a better life.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in Japan produces an awesome product and the person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in Europe will never know that something like this exists if there was not an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find the best product in terms of quality and price.

On the other hand
, in recent years, the competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has led to disturbing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
normal life and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, privacy violations have happened. To illustrate, the personal information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is collected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which provide social media, and this information
is sold
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this information for personalizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
for each person which is an obvious example of privacy violation.
In addition
, lots of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are to trick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something which they don’t need and this will cause an increase in consumerism.

To summarize
, it can
be supposed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective and useful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. Nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
abuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
for increasing their profit.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be careful about ads.
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IELTS essay Some people think that advertisements are good for the society whereas others oppose this view.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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