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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. NQ1y
Nowadays, there are a wide variety of approaches for teaching children in terms of performance at school and collaboration with other pupils. Generally speaking, well-organized parents spend a lot of different resources from money to their own time, developing various valuable skills for the success of their child in our competitive world. It is fair to say that the only ideal strategy for such a purpose does not exist. Moreover, it is crucial to find a balance in the learning process of children because the world is a really complex place. Below, I am going to share my opinion about the advantages and disadvantages of each mentioned views concerning competition and cooperation. Firstly, to my mind, it is a necessity to realize that there is a concept of competition from childhood. Young people should be able to state clear goals and achieve them. A lot of time I heard that the competition is a main trigger of progress whatever. It really makes a huge sense and push global economics to new peaks. Although it is significant to note that the high level of competition between people, companies or even countries should lay in a positive and respectful way. It is obvious enough that the willingness to compete at any cost could be harmful for person’s reputation, relationships and even his mental health. That idea brings me to an understanding of collaboration’s importance. Turning to the collaboration concept I would like to share my own experience. I have realized several times that if people are able to communicate effectively then they could achieve impressive results in such collective activities as work projects or sport games. For instance, when I was a student it was a pleasure for our university group to share skills and knowledge with each other. To be honest, that practice helped us a lot to finish our program, find a valuable job and win the competition with ineffective students who were not able to collaborate well. To sum up I would say that it is really important to follow the golden mean rule in terms of the learning process. That method could be useful for anyone to understand different issues of the human community and find out a suitable way for success in the long-term, especially in terms of competition and collaboration between people.
Nowadays, there are a wide variety of approaches for teaching children in terms of performance at school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collaboration
with other pupils.
Generally
speaking, well-organized parents spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
resources from money to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
time, developing various valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the success of their child in our competitive world. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to say that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ideal strategy for such a purpose does not exist.
Moreover
, it is crucial to find a balance in the learning process of children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the world is a
really
complex place. Below, I am going to share my opinion about the advantages and disadvantages of each mentioned views concerning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and cooperation.

Firstly
, to my mind, it is a necessity to realize that there is a concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
from childhood. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be able to state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
goals and achieve them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
time I heard that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is a main trigger of progress whatever. It
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a huge sense and push global economics to new peaks. Although it is significant to note that the high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or even countries should lay in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and respectful way. It is obvious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
that the willingness to compete at any cost could be harmful for person’s reputation, relationships and even his mental health. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
brings me to an understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collaboration’s
importance.

Turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collaboration
concept I would like to share my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience. I have realized several times that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to communicate
effectively
then they could achieve impressive results in such collective activities as work projects or sport games.
For instance
, when I was a student it was a pleasure for our university group to share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge with each other. To be honest, that practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us a lot to finish our program, find a valuable job and win the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
with ineffective students who were not able to collaborate well.

To sum up I would say that it is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to follow the golden mean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
in terms of the learning process. That method could be useful for anyone to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues of the human community and find out a suitable way for success in the long-term,
especially
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collaboration
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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