Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion MQBe
Several people argue that youngsters should be encouraged to be competitive with others, while some believe that young kids should have sense of cooperation. Although children are encouraging to excel and win, I believe that young people should be taught to cooperate for the wholistic development of their well-being. In the early stages of their development as toddlers, young kids are being taught to win and excel at school. At the same time, teachers make children compete by comparing them with other kids in terms of their development and accomplishments. For example, when I was younger, teachers give rewards for those top ten students who do well in the classroom, or they praise children who received the most stars from doing better at school. This kind of teaching gives children the impression that they should outdo other children in order for them to be rewarded. Hence, this will also push the children to do well and will develop the desire to win. While competitiveness can be a good characteristic in a child, it is also important that they should learn to cooperate and work well with others. Since the world is moving in a fast-paced environment, it is essential for the children to understand that establishing a good relationship is as vital as having a healthy competition with others. Hence, this is clearly illustrated in the current school system in Japan. Japanese teachers do not reward their pre-school students based on their grade results. Rather, they honor their students based on how well they work with other students through helping each other in their daily tasks, supporting their schoolmates in their activities, and how they treat their classmates. As a result, Japanese preschoolers able to learn sense of cooperation which is equally important as having a sense of competitiveness. To conclude, today’s world is highly competitive, and sense of competition in children will help them to survive as adults. But it is also critical to remember that to be competitive, one must learn to work well with others for them to be more beneficial to the society and achieve greater accomplishments. After all, a good leader must be a good team member first.
Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that youngsters should
be encouraged
to be competitive with others, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that young kids should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of cooperation. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are encouraging
Did you mean "excelling"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to excel
and win, I believe that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be taught
to cooperate for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
wholistic
development of their well-being.

In the early stages of their development as toddlers, young kids are
being taught
to win and excel at school. At the same time, teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
compete by comparing them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kids in terms of their development and accomplishments.
For example
, when I was younger, teachers give rewards for those top ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
in the classroom, or they praise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who received the most stars from doing better at school. This kind of teaching gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the impression that they should outdo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in order for them to
be rewarded
.
Hence
, this will
also
push the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
and will develop the desire to win.

While competitiveness can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
characteristic in a child, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they should learn to cooperate and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
with others. Since the world is moving in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced environment, it is essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand that establishing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationship is as vital as having a healthy competition with others.
Hence
, this is
clearly
illustrated in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
school system in Japan. Japanese teachers do not reward their
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
based on their grade results.
Rather
, they honor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
based on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
they work with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
through helping each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in their daily tasks, supporting their schoolmates in their activities, and how they treat their classmates.
As a result
, Japanese preschoolers able to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of cooperation which is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competitiveness.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world is
highly
competitive, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to survive as adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is
also
critical to remember that to be competitive, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
with others for them to be more beneficial to the society and achieve greater accomplishments.
After all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
leader
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
team member
first
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion