Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Although some people believe that computers could give more benefits to the young generation such as in term of education, I agree that computers give more negative effect towards them.

Although some people believe that computers could give more benefits to the young generation such as in term of education, I agree that computers give more negative effect towards them. ynGJ
Although some people believe that computers could give more benefits to the young generation such as in term of education, I agree that computers give more negative effect towards them. Nowadays, computer is one of the most important high-tech tools for every people in doing their work, communication as well as spending their leisure time. However, it could give negative effect to the children in their everyday use. Since young children cannot control themselves from seeing attractive things show up in computer for example, video games and cartoon movies, they likely to spend their time on computer as much as they could. Sitting in front of computer in long time will lead to the health issues. For example, my cousin has a short-sight and experienced back pain when he is nine years old. His parents give him a computer to spend his time at home while they go to work when he was seven years old. Not only that, as computer contain attractive and colourful contents, it can easily attract children which lead them to lose their interest in studying. This could affect their development of brain where according to the research, only 0. 1 percent of brain power used by children nowadays. Computers also have a lot of unsafe contents which not suitable for young children. For instance, surfing internet could easily introduced them to the pornography world as it does not filter the commercial came out in each website. It has low possibility for them to stay away from this harmful material during surfing the internet. In conclusion, I believe that computer could give more negative effect to the children. Therefore, each parent should always monitor their children while using computer to avoid the negative effect happen.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that computers could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more benefits to the young generation such as in term of education, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that computers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
towards them. Nowadays, computer is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
high-tech tools for every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in doing their work, communication
as well
as spending their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, it could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Since young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot control themselves from seeing attractive things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up in computer
for example
, video games and cartoon movies, they likely to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer as much as they could. Sitting in front of computer in long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will lead to the health issues.
For example
, my cousin has a short-sight and experienced back pain when he is nine years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. His parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
him a computer to spend his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home while they go to work when he was seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, as computer contain attractive and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
contents, it can
easily
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which lead them to lose their interest in studying. This could affect their development of brain where according to the research,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 1 percent of brain power
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays.

Computers
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
unsafe contents which not suitable for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, surfing internet could
easily
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "introduce"
introduced
them to the pornography world as it does not filter the commercial came out in each website. It has low possibility for them to stay away from this harmful material during surfing the internet.

In conclusion
, I believe that computer could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, each parent should always monitor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while using computer to avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
happen.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Although some people believe that computers could give more benefits to the young generation such as in term of education, I agree that computers give more negative effect towards them.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Although some people believe that computers could give more benefits to the young generation such as in term of education, I agree that computers give more negative effect towards them.