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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. 5Xre
While some people opine that competition should be instilled in children, others disagree with this notion and believe that cooperation is more important, because by learning it children can become more useful adults. In my opinion, competition is more important than cooperation. This essay will discuss how growth is directly linked with the wish to compete, and although children can feel pressure because of the immense competition, it is better that they get familiar with such pressure at the early stage of their lives. Competition motivates people to outperform others because it allows them to assess their performance against the performance of others. This essay supports this point of view because it is commonly observed that the students of the schools where academic performance is graded and ranked with the objective of promoting competition do better in studies than the students of those institutes that do not follow the same methodology. People who support cooperation believe that the sense of competition puts unnecessary pressure on children; therefore, a relaxed environment where students can learn and cooperate with one another should be provided to them. I disagree with this thinking because it is crucial for children to cope with the pressure to compete during their childhood itself. Moreover, it is often observed that children with difficult childhood perform better in practical life than other children. The reason is that difficulties faced at a younger age makes them well prepared for the challenges of adulthood. In conclusion, although the sense of competition can make the childhood more stressful, it increases the probability of success in the practical life. Therefore, children should be encouraged to compete with each others at an early stage of life, as it will help them to become stronger and better human beings.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
should
be instilled
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, others disagree with this notion and believe that cooperation is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by learning it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become more useful adults. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than cooperation. This essay will discuss how growth is
directly
linked with the wish to compete, and although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
at the early stage of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Competition motivates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to outperform others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to assess their performance against the performance of others. This essay supports this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
commonly
observed that the students of the schools where academic performance
is graded
and ranked with the objective of promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in studies than the students of those institutes that do not follow the same methodology.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who support cooperation believe that the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
puts unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
therefore
, a relaxed environment where students can learn and cooperate with one another should
be provided
to them. I disagree with this thinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to cope with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
to compete during their childhood itself.

Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with difficult childhood perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in practical life than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The reason is that difficulties faced at a younger age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
for the challenges of adulthood.

In conclusion
, although the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the childhood more stressful, it increases the probability of success in the practical life.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to compete with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
at an early stage of life, as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become stronger and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
human beings.
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IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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