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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. AXyM
In recent times, famous personalities are known for their image and luxurious lifestyles than their talent and performances and that sets a wrong example to the younger generation. I agree with the statement as these renowned celebrities are more focused on their looks and they often flaunt their premium lifestyles that shows negative impact on youths. On the one hand, some artists always like to maintain their look and keep themselves fit and this behaviour often has an adverse influence on teenagers. They prefer instant fitness by consuming heavy diets and steroids- kind of a drug, that can misguide these immature kids. For example, one of the famous tollywood lead actor Rana with many followers, consumed heavy diets and steroids in order to look bulky and this results in serious health issues. Also, these renowned celebrities spend a lot of money on their costumes to showcase themsleves in public. For instance many actors and actresses often posts glamourous photos and videos wearing designer costumes. This glamourous and lusty lifestyle can often influence teenagers in a negative way. On the other hand, some well know personalities spends more on buying luxury cars, bungalows to have premium lifestyles which indeed motivating younger generation in a wrong path. They tend to buy luxury cars and bikes and post on social media accounts which are followed so many teenagers, such posts are changing youths ideology to leading to earn money in wrong means. For example, many actors post their sporting bikes which is influencing teenagers and they are stealing money in wrong means and trying to buy the luxury bikes and cars. Hence, I conclude this by saying, celebrities are misleading youth by their activites such as flauntung being over glamourous and showcasing their luxusry lifestyles in social media.
In recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities
are known
for their image and luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
than their talent and performances and that sets a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
example to the younger generation. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement as these renowned celebrities are more focused on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
looks and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
flaunt their premium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on youths.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
artists always like to maintain their look and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves fit and this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
has an adverse influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. They prefer instant fitness by consuming heavy diets and steroids-
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
drug, that can misguide these immature kids.

For example
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
tollywood
lead actor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rana
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
followers, consumed heavy diets and steroids in order to look bulky and this results in serious health issues.
Also
,

these renowned celebrities spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on their costumes to showcase
Possible spelling mistake found.
themsleves
in public.
For instance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
actors and actresses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
posts
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamourous
photos and videos wearing designer costumes. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamourous
and lusty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "wells"?
well
know personalities spends more on buying luxury cars, bungalows to have premium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
which
indeed
motivating younger generation in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
path. They tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
luxury cars and bikes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
on social media accounts which
are followed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
posts
are changing youths ideology to leading to earn money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
means.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
actors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
their sporting bikes which is influencing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teenagers and
they are stealing money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
means and trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the luxury bikes and cars.

Hence
, I conclude this by saying, celebrities are misleading youth by their
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
flauntung
being over
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamourous
and showcasing their
Possible spelling mistake found.
luxusry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
in social media.
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IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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