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Some people think technology have more benifits as compare to downsides

Some people think technology have more benifits as compare to downsides mb6BN
Nowadays, children have more burden of study, and they face trouble in mathematic and philosophy. Some people think it should be optional subject. To some extent I agree with this trend. On the one hand, learner have different type of subject at school and have plenty of syllabuses to learn so if they choice between the subjects therefore it may assist to achieve the better marks in the final exam as they would have those subjects, which they have interest. Take India for example,   schools provides the choice of subject in high class hence they can more focus on their favorite modules. On the other hand, every subject plays an essential in the life as today, mostly companies seek those workers, who are experience of every field as well as mathematic is vital in our daily routine. In conclusion, having optional subject is beneficial for individual because they might choose their favourite subject and help to get better marks too.
Nowadays, children have more burden of study, and they face trouble in mathematic and philosophy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should be optional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this trend.

On the one hand, learner have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
at school and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of syllabuses to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they choice between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
therefore
it may assist to achieve the better marks in the final exam as they would have those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which they have interest. Take India
for example
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
schools provides the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
hence
they can more focus on their favorite modules.

On the other hand
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
plays an essential in the life as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
seek those workers, who are experience of every field
as well
as mathematic is vital in our daily routine.

In conclusion
, having optional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is beneficial for individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might choose their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better marks too.

IELTS essay Some people think technology have more benifits as compare to downsides

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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