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Some people think spending a lot on birthday celebrations and wedding is a wastage of money. Other think that it is important to the young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think spending a lot on birthday celebrations and wedding is a wastage of money. Other think that it is important to the young people and society. AOWL
Nowadays, a number of people believe that money spent on birthday parties, marriages is merely a wastage while others think that it is beneficial to the youngsters in the society as well. I agree with those who agree that spending a lot on celebration is a wastage of money. Many people argue that celebrating and you occasions such as bedding bedding, birthday parties is important for the young people in the society due to the fact that people can spend their time with their relatives and family is as it helps them to strengthen their bond with them. For instance, gathering of people in a marriage brings a joy and happiness and get an opportunity to spend their time with your loved ones. Consequently, These people believe that it brings advantages to the young people as they enjoy their time with your friends also. However, I believe that the usage of a large amount of money for the celebration is totally a wastage because they can use this money for other important purposes such as donate their money to the charity, Education of children and so forth. A fitting example is that many rich people in India donate their money for the education of children as they believe children are the future of country. Moreover, by five parties this spend lot on food water electricity and sometimes people waste his valuable resources. Eventually, it led to the wastage of their material wealth and their time also. In conclusion, both the arguments have their own merits and Demerits. However, I tend to believe that we should not waste our wealth to show our wealthy status to the society.
Nowadays, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on birthday parties, marriages is
merely
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is beneficial to the youngsters in the society
as well
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that spending a lot on celebration is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
of money.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that celebrating and you
The pronoun 'you' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "occasion"
occasions
such as
Possible typo: you repeated a word
bedding bedding
, birthday parties is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their relatives and family is as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to strengthen their bond with them.
For instance
, gathering of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a marriage brings a joy and happiness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
Consequently
, These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it brings advantages to the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with your friends
also
.

However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the usage of a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the celebration is
totally
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
purposes such as donate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the charity, Education of children and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. A fitting example is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India donate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the education of children as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
children are the future of country.
Moreover
, by five parties
The verb 'spend' is plural. Did you mean: "this spends"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this spend
lot on food water electricity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste his valuable resources.
Eventually
, it led to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
of their material wealth and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
also
.

In conclusion
, both the arguments have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and Demerits.
However
, I tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that we should not waste our wealth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our wealthy status to the society.
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IELTS essay Some people think spending a lot on birthday celebrations and wedding is a wastage of money. Other think that it is important to the young people and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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