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some people think reading paper materials like newsper is better than watching electronic devices

some people think reading paper materials like newsper is better than watching electronic devices 7WGl3
Due to the development of technology, there are many types of resources for getting information. Some people like to read paper materials, while others prefer to watch electronic devices to acquire knowledge. I totally disagree that reading from paper materials to obtain information is better than watching electronic devices. I feel this way for two reasons which I am going to explain in this essay. First, electronic devices transfer information in a very effective way. Since using electronic devices does not necessarily need reading skills, they can easily deliver this information to everyone. Obviously, electronic devices have many features such as zooming, storing information, and display adjustment which accommodates readers from different backgrounds and conditions. For example, my dad has a medical condition called Myopia. He suffered a lot when he read from the books and newspaper because it was so difficult for him to focus. So, he started to read from his I pad which enables him to zoom in on the text to increase readability. If he had not used his I pad, he would not have been able to gain all the information that he needs and be informed about what is going on around him. Secondly, using electronic tools is more efficient. When you use electronic devices, you can reach the information in a short time, unlike the paper materials which require you to go buy them by yourself. Consequently, you will take so much energy and time to get this information. This is critically important in emergency situations. This is better explained by my personal experience. When the covid-19 start spreading in the United States, I did not know anything about this disease. In the beginning, there was little information about this virus, all I knew is that it can be spread through the air. After that, the mass media began to talk more about the virus and how to protect ourselves from this fatal disease. As a result, I became more aware of the covid-19 in a short period of time as I can get any information from the internet at any time without any effort. If I had not watched the news, I would not have had any knowledge about this virus. In conclusion, watching electronic devices is so much better than reading paper materials because they are efficient and practical in delivering the information.
Due to the development of technology, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of resources for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to read paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
, while others prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
to acquire knowledge. I
totally
disagree that reading from paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is better than watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. I feel this way for two reasons which I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in this essay.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
transfer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective way. Since using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
does not
necessarily
need reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they can
easily
deliver this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to everyone.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
features such as zooming, storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, and display adjustment which accommodates readers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds and conditions.
For example
, my dad has a medical condition called Myopia. He suffered a lot when he read from the books and newspaper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult for him to focus.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to read from his I pad which enables him to zoom in on the text to increase readability. If he had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
his I pad, he would not have been able to gain all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that he needs and
be informed
about what is going on around him.

Secondly
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
tools is more efficient. When you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, you can reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, unlike the paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
which require you to go
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them by yourself.
Consequently
, you will take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much energy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. This is
critically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in emergency situations. This is better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by my personal experience. When the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
spreading in the United States, I did not know anything about this disease. In the beginning, there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about this virus, all I knew is that it can
be spread
through the air. After that, the mass media began to talk more about the virus and how to protect ourselves from this fatal disease.
As a result
, I became more aware of the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
in a short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the internet at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without any effort. If I had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
the news, I would not have had any knowledge about this virus.

In conclusion
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much better than reading paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are efficient and practical in delivering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
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IELTS essay some people think reading paper materials like newsper is better than watching electronic devices

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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