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Some people think public health is concern of government and it should make laws for public nurtion and food choices while others believe that it personal responsibility discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think public health is concern of government and it should make laws for public nurtion and food choices while others believe that it personal responsibility 6agw0
Health safety has become pressing issue and due to this, people are divided on the issue that whether the authorities to be held responsible for ensuring community health or it is matter of our personal preferences. I agree with the latter one and this essay shall discuss both the Views. On the one hand, there are various rudimentary rules by which governments can tackle the issue of health safety and the first and foremost is that the state authorities hold power and they can make laws so, it organise awareness camps to make people known about various health diseases and some preventive measures. Moreover, the state can increase the price of oily foods that are harmful for public health, as well as decrease the price of nutritional fruits and vegetables. For instance, in this corona pandemic, the state authorities made people aware about corona virus symptoms through mobile calls and tunes and helped people to prevent themselves from virus attacks. Hence, it proves Government can take some actions to improve public health. On the other hand, despite the governments rules, there are some steps that can be taken. Firstly, diet varies from person to person as per their body requirements which are different for every individual and government can only make laws that says one size fits all and it will not work on people. For instance, during Covid-19 pandemic, it was proved by doctors that to wear mask all the time is not possible to be followed as people, who are not able to borne the air tight masks due to asthma problems. Hence, it is people's own responsibility to protect themselves according to their body. To conclude, although there are some basic measures that government can take, i strongly assert that one should look after oneself in far more better way than any government can.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
safety has become pressing issue and due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are divided
on the issue that whether the authorities to
be held
responsible for ensuring community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
or it is matter of our personal preferences. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter one and this essay shall discuss both the Views. On the one hand, there are various rudimentary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
by which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can tackle the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
safety and the
first
and foremost is that the state authorities hold
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
power and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it
Did you mean "organises"?
organise
awareness camps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
known about various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diseases and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
preventive measures.
Moreover
, the state can increase the price of oily foods that are harmful for public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
as well
as decrease the price of nutritional fruits and vegetables.
For instance
, in this corona pandemic, the state authorities made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware about
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
symptoms through mobile calls and tunes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
themselves from virus attacks.
Hence
, it proves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
On the other hand
, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps that can
be taken
.
Firstly
, diet varies from person to person as per their body requirements which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for every individual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws that says one size fits all and it will not work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, during Covid-19 pandemic, it
was proved
by doctors that to wear mask all the time is not possible to
be followed
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are not able
Did you mean "to bear"?
to borne
the air tight masks due to asthma problems.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibility to protect themselves according to their body.
To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic measures that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can take,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
strongly
assert that one should look after oneself in far
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
way than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can.
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IELTS essay Some people think public health is concern of government and it should make laws for public nurtion and food choices while others believe that it personal responsibility

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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