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Some people think personal happiness is closely related to economic success, while others believe that it depends on other factors.

Some people think personal happiness is closely related to economic success, while others believe that it depends on other factors. xjQy
Nowadays, people fulfill their life not only physically but also mentally so travelling to other places, especially travelling to other countries is a kind of entertainment for them. So why they choose “travel to other countries”, it will have 4 main points I want to mention here. The first reason, each country, each region would have kind of wonderful, interesting things, amazing destinations to explore and certainly it is different from your country where you were born. It is a huge opportunity to help you get to know all of them, and make your mind feel relaxed. The next thing I want to share, if you put yourself in one challenging environment, you will develop your soft skills in the fastest way. As you know, in the other countries, they have their own culture, their own language because of that it becomes a huge gap between the natives and the foreigners. So you have to adapt into the new environment like: food, the way of communication, natives’ thoughts; and especially the way how you can communicate, discuss and debate with them. On the other hand, it is the best way you can learn how you will empathize, sympathize with others. Thirdly, in the 4. 0 industry, the world is connecting everything together, and humans are not exceptional. You have to make friends from other countries, you have to work with them, and if you want to be an excellent manager/CEO in the near future you have to understand their culture also. Basically travelling to other countries is a good method to immerse yourself in their culture and understand deeply about it. Last but not least, the government has a lot of positive policies and encourages their citizens to go abroad such as: you don not need any visa if you visit any countries in SouthEast Asia, it supports you so much. The government wants to develop the hospitality industry more and more due to developing this industry, one country can gain FDI capitals and increase their yearly revenue. Absolutely, you want your citizens to travel, it means you have to upgrade your transport systems and your services to make sure that customers will be delivered by the high quality. As a result, you can welcome foreigners coming to your country after that. In conclusion, two sides of coin, so it is up to your view angle, you can consider that is a positive or negative development In my own opinion, I mean it’s really positive development. With 4 reasons I wrote above, I think “travel to other countries” will increase more and more and it will be a major trend in the future not far.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fulfill their life not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mentally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places,
especially
travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is a kind of entertainment for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
why they choose “travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries”
, it will have 4 main points I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to mention here.

The
first
reason, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, each region would have kind of wonderful, interesting things, amazing destinations to explore and
certainly
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where you
were born
. It is a huge opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know all of them, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your mind feel relaxed.

The
next
thing I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to share, if you put yourself in one challenging environment, you will develop your soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the fastest way. As you know, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that it becomes a huge gap between the natives and the foreigners.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adapt into the new environment like: food, the way of communication, natives’ thoughts; and
especially
the way how you can communicate, discuss and debate with them. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is the best way you can learn how you will empathize, sympathize with others.

Thirdly
, in the 4. 0 industry, the world is connecting everything together, and humans are not exceptional. You
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work with them, and if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be an excellent manager/CEO in the near future you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand their culture
also
.
Basically
travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method to immerse yourself in their culture and understand
deeply
about it.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
policies and encourages their citizens to go abroad such as: you
Did you mean "do not"?
don not
need any visa if you visit any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
SouthEast Asia
, it supports you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to develop the hospitality industry more and more due to developing this industry, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can gain FDI capitals and increase their yearly revenue.
Absolutely
, you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
your citizens to travel, it means you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
upgrade your transport systems and your services to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that customers will
be delivered
by the high quality.
As a result
, you can welcome foreigners coming to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
after that.

In conclusion
, two sides of coin,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is up to your view angle, you can consider
that is
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, I mean it’s
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. With 4 reasons I wrote above, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
“travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries”
will increase more and more and it will be a major trend in the future not far.
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IELTS essay Some people think personal happiness is closely related to economic success, while others believe that it depends on other factors.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
445 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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