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Some people think personal happiness is closely related to economic success, while others believe that it depends on other factors

Some people think personal happiness is closely related to economic success, while others believe that it depends on other factors qjkp
Opinion diverge on whether personal happiness depends on a successful economy or the other elements. In this essay, I will examine both arguments and then give my personal opinion. On the one hand, it is understandable why people believe that having a stable economy means being happy. Firstly, economic success can help families get along, because they don't worry about fees. Many families experience a economic crisis, they have a headache with fees which they can't pay and that leads to quarrels of parents day by day, even divorce. Secondly, people having a successful economy often get the respect of everyone compared to people witnessing a economic crisis, so they can confidently communicate with everyone. On the other hand, I would support those who think it is not necessary that abundance of wealth leads a lot of happiness. For example, it has been found in various surveys in the developed countries that most of the rich people do not accept that happiness can be brought with money. However, other factors like, family life, round health and job satisfaction are equally prominent to determine a person's level of happiness. Sometimes, people with average low are seen to be extremely satisfied with their lives. So, wealth cannot be considered as a role determiner of a happy life. In conclusion, it can be seen that that money plays an indispensable role in providing happiness to mankind but to lead a harmonious life, good family, round health and job satisfaction are also vital.
Opinion diverge on whether personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
depends on a successful economy or the other elements. In this essay, I will examine both arguments and then give my personal opinion.

On the one hand, it is understandable why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that having a stable economy means being happy.
Firstly
, economic success can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't worry about fees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
experience
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
economic crisis, they have a headache with fees which they can't pay and that leads to quarrels of parents day by day, even divorce.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a successful economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the respect of everyone compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
witnessing
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
economic crisis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
confidently
communicate with everyone.

On the other hand
, I would support those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not necessary that abundance of wealth leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For example
, it has
been found
in various surveys in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
that most of the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not accept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
be brought
with money.
However
, other factors like,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life, round health and job satisfaction are
equally
prominent to determine a person's level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with average low are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be
extremely
satisfied with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, wealth cannot
be considered
as a role determiner of a happy life.

In conclusion
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that that money plays an indispensable role in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to mankind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to lead a harmonious life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, round health and job satisfaction are
also
vital.

IELTS essay Some people think personal happiness is closely related to economic success, while others believe that it depends on other factors

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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