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Some people think money is the best gift to give it to youngsters, while others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think money is the best gift to give it to youngsters, while others disagree. v. 1
It is irrefutable that the juveniles feel delightful on receiving gifts. While some believe that it's best to give some money as a present to them, I agree with the people who think that it is a bad idea. Some elderly people, who find it difficult to choose something relevant for the new generation, prefer giving cash as this simply saves their time to think about a prefect gift. Furthermore, some people also think that their taste would not be appreciated by young people. For instance, grandparents generally prefer giving money to their grandchildren as a present because they hesitate that their choice of things would not be the preference of today's generation. Hence, they try to play safe. However, I strongly believe that children should be given proper gifts rather than cash as it helps to develop a respect for all kinds of thing and people who have put an effort and time to choose something for them. Additionally, any child can misuse the money, such as they can spend it on drugs and cigarettes without the knowledge of their parents. Conversely, other forms of gifts can be supervised by their parents and they can decide whether it should be given to them or not. For example, a child given a play station as a gift during the exam week can be delayed for a few days as his parents can supervise it. In conclusion, although some people think that the best thing that could be given to young people as a gift is cash as this does not require a lot of effort to put into while choosing a present and it also lowers the risk of the gift being disliked by them. But, I believe that it is not a good idea to give them loose money and they should be given proper gifts instead for the above mentioned reasons.
It is irrefutable that the juveniles feel delightful on receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that it's best to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a present to them, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who find it difficult to choose something relevant for the new generation, prefer giving cash as this
simply
saves their time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about a prefect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that their taste would not
be appreciated
by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, grandparents
generally
prefer giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their grandchildren as a present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they hesitate that their choice of things would not be the preference of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation.
Hence
, they try to play safe.

However
, I
strongly
believe that children should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
rather
than cash as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop a respect for all kinds of thing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have put an effort and time to choose something for them.
Additionally
, any child can misuse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, such as they can spend it on drugs and cigarettes without the knowledge of their parents.
Conversely
, other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
can
be supervised
by their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they can decide whether it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them or not.
For example
, a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a play station as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
during the exam week can
be delayed
for a few days as his parents can supervise it.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the best thing that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
is cash as this does not require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort to put into while choosing a present and it
also
lowers the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
being disliked
by them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I believe that it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to give them loose
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
instead
for the above mentioned reasons.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some people think money is the best gift to give it to youngsters, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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