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Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that having a permanent job is better than enjoying the job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that having a permanent job is better than enjoying the job. AyLl
Discuss both views and give your opinion. Many people consider work contentment is much more essential comparing with work safety, whereas other ones trust that possessing a regular work is preferable than pleasuring the work. This essay believes to have a permanent work is better. Firstly, this essay will discuss job safety is necessary for people to be out of threat and secondly, the reasons behind having constant work. On the one hand, people say sometimes the job dissatisfaction comes from outside factors such as the stressful relationship with superiors and colleagues, low salary and uncomfortable working environment, which will also dismantle the enthusiasm and vitality in the workplace. From this point of view, the working efficiency and productivity will also be decreased. So this kind of extrinsic job dissatisfaction should be avoided too. For instance, an article by the Travel Tours Magazine in the Philippines in 2017 reported that 4 out of 5 people are successful in their work by satisfying their job than those who dissatisfy their work condition. On the other hand, that is not to say that the job security is not desirable at all. Some people prefer to have a permanent job without worrying about getting fired so that they could spare no efforts to work. But to be honest, this situation is to some extent kind of idealism. In terms of finance, workers with a permanent job know exactly their monthly income, and thus are in full control of their financial plan. For example, according to the survey of Workers’ and employers’ organizations in Philippines in 2017 revealed that unemployment cases have significantly decreased thanks to long-lasted job practice. In sum, job satisfaction is far more important than job security as long as we want to boost the economy; meanwhile, we should not forget to provide the guaranteed position for the benefit of workers. Only by doing so can we ensure that every employee in the workplace can make the most contribution.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
contentment is much more essential comparing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
safety, whereas other ones trust that possessing a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is preferable than pleasuring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This essay believes to have a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is better.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
safety is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be out of threat and
secondly
, the reasons behind having constant work.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
dissatisfaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from outside factors such as the stressful relationship with superiors and colleagues, low salary and uncomfortable working environment, which will
also
dismantle the enthusiasm and vitality in the workplace. From this point of view, the working efficiency and productivity will
also
be decreased
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this kind of extrinsic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
dissatisfaction should
be avoided
too.
For instance
, an article by the Travel Tours Magazine in the Philippines in 2017 reported that 4 out of 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are successful in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by satisfying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
than those who dissatisfy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
condition.

On the other hand
,
that is
not to say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security is not desirable at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without worrying about getting fired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could spare no efforts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to be honest, this situation is to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent kind of idealism. In terms of finance, workers with a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
know exactly their monthly income, and
thus
are in full control of their financial plan.
For example
, according to the survey of Workers’ and employers’ organizations
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Philippines".
in Philippines
in 2017 revealed that unemployment cases have
significantly
decreased thanks to long-lasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
practice.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security as long as we want to boost the economy; meanwhile, we should not forget to provide the guaranteed position for the benefit of workers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
can we ensure that every employee in the workplace can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most contribution.
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IELTS essay Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that having a permanent job is better than enjoying the job.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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