Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion?

Family is a part and parcel for every individual living on this earth and it is frequently believed that children should be brought up in joint families rather than nuclear ones. According to my perception, I accord with the given notion to a large extent and hence impending essay will discuss more about the present argument in detail before arriving to a resolved conclusion. To commence with, there are numerous reasons to prove my stance. The most prominent one is that children learn a lot of things while living with their grandparents such as cultural, moral and ethical values, which lend a helping hand in staying connected, with the historical roots. In addition to the above, elders make the younger children more social, co-operative and responsible citizens. Moreover, children imbibe various financial management skills when they live in joint families eventually helping them to save money for future use. To paraphrase, children staying with grandparents and other family members have more resilience and perseverance power as compared to those children being raised in dysfunctional nuclear families; as indicated by a recent study on social behavior. On the contrary, it is argued by few people that it is better to raise children in nuclear families by their parents. There is no denying the fact that parents give individual attention to their wards in small families because they do not have to worry about other tasks taking care of older members, for instance furthermore, these children raised in nuclear families not only become independent and creative but also have multitasking and academic abilities. To exemplify, Mark Zuckerberg, became intellectual of commendable efforts for his mother and father. Agglomerating all the points mentioned above, it can be concluded that it is rightly said that old is gold; hence, children grasp numerous things from their grandparents and various behavioral acts from their kith and kin. I, hereby, firmly state that the ultimate aim is to nurture and prepare youngster for forthcoming challenges, either by staying in nuclear or joint families.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
is a part and parcel for every individual living on this
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
earth and
it is
frequently
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be brought
up in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
rather
than nuclear ones. According to my perception, I accord with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion to a large extent and
hence
impending essay will discuss more about the present argument in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving to a resolved conclusion.

To commence with, there are numerous reasons to prove my stance. The most prominent one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things while living with their grandparents such as cultural, moral and ethical values, which lend a helping hand in staying connected, with the historical roots.
In addition
to the above, elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more social, co-operative and responsible citizens.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
imbibe various financial management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
eventually
helping them to save money for future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. To paraphrase,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
staying with grandparents and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members have more resilience and perseverance power as compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being raised
in dysfunctional nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
; as indicated by a recent study on social behavior.

On the contrary
, it
is argued
by few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that it is better to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
by their parents. There is no denying the fact that parents give individual attention to their wards in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about other tasks taking care of older members,
for instance
furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
raised in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
become independent and creative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have multitasking and academic abilities. To exemplify, Mark Zuckerberg, became intellectual of commendable efforts for his mother and father.

Agglomerating all the points mentioned above, it can
be concluded
that it is
rightly
said that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is gold;
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grasp numerous things from their grandparents and various behavioral acts from their kith and kin. I, hereby,
firmly
state that the ultimate aim is to nurture and prepare youngster for forthcoming challenges, either by staying in nuclear or joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6.5band
    in your opinion which one is more important to learn, english or local languages?
    English is a worldwide languange. There is countless country that teach English to their student in school rather than local language. We can clearly see a lot of how Englsih language have become our everyday materials in the way of life. Almost all kind of test be it test for final examination, tes...
  • 6.5band
    Technological development in earlier times bought more changes to the life of ordinary people than recent technological developments have brought.
    There is no country or people in this world who is untouched by the phenomenon of technology. Recent studies indicate that this trend is only likely to accentuate in the coming decades considering the ground realities of the modern world. increasingly laid out for all to see and fast becoming a fixt...
  • 6.5band
    What are the feelings and thoughts?
    Our feelings, thoughts, voids, and pains are presented through arts such as acting, music and painting namely a few. Some people believe in the inappropriateness of letting artists openly show their thoughts and sentiments; the authorities are in charge of censorship. Nonetheless, to me it seems poi...
  • 6.5band
    in your opinion which one is more important to learn, english or local languages?
    English is a gateway to the world and no one should be deprived of the opportunities that arise for those with a strong command of the English language. This does not mean that local languages are dispensable, however. They have an important role to play in supporting education, including English la...
  • 6.5band
    The beat way of education.
    Only through an excellent way of education system can a country develop, and hence whether girls and boys should co-educate orbe separated into single sex schools has been a debate for decades. On the one hand, in coeducational schools, boys and girls can learn how to deal with the opposite genders...
  • 6.5band
    in your opinion which one is more important to learn, english or local languages?
    English is a gateway to the world and no one should be deprived of the opportunities that arise for those with a strong command of the English language. This does not mean that local languages are dispensable, however. They have an important role to play in supporting education, including English la...