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Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. KBWw
Whether building a profitable career is more significant than having quality family time, is a topic of debate. In my opinion, family time is very vital because it promotes bonding between members, and this essay will expatiate on the other view as well in more details. Having a rewarding career is relevant, according to some people. Perhaps, the reason is that it gives them a sense of fulfillment. A lot of people are happy and fulfilled when their businesses or careers flourish. They derive joy seeing progress in their chosen fields, and are proud of their accomplishments because it shows that their efforts are being rewarded. An estate agent who closed several huge deals in a month, for example, would be highly motivated by the success, and would want to achieve more. This means they would prefer to work harder and dedicate more time to work in order to achieve their set goals. However, this would mean sacrificing family time as well as other social activities to achieve their goals. The broader relevance of dedicating more time to one's family is invaluable, if not more, important. The simple reason is that quality family time promotes bonding between family members. Parents are opportune to know their children, and instill values in them whilst creating beautiful memories that would linger. Spending time with ones family, encourages communication between parents, and provides a safe environment where the young ones can ask questions freely about numerous issues. From having a simple family dinner to having vacations together, the importance of quality time with family and friends cannot be over emphasized. To sum up, it is true that people debate, about, whether spending time with friends and family is more significant than building a career. However, I am of the view that family time is more important, since relationships are fostered.
Whether building a profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is more significant than having quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, is a topic of debate. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it promotes bonding between members, and this essay will expatiate on the other view
as well
in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Having a rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is relevant, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Perhaps, the reason is that it gives them a sense of fulfillment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are happy and fulfilled when their businesses or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
flourish. They derive joy seeing progress in their chosen fields, and are proud of their accomplishments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that their efforts are
being rewarded
. An estate agent who closed several huge deals in a month,
for example
, would be
highly
motivated by the success, and would want to achieve more. This means they would prefer to work harder and dedicate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to work in order to achieve their set goals.
However
, this would mean sacrificing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as well
as other social activities to achieve their goals.

The broader relevance of dedicating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is invaluable, if not more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. The simple reason is that quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
promotes bonding between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Parents are opportune to know their children, and instill values in them whilst creating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
memories that would linger. Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, encourages communication between parents, and provides a safe environment where the young ones can ask questions
freely
about numerous issues. From having a simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
dinner to having vacations together, the importance of quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends cannot be over emphasized.

To sum up, it is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
debate, about, whether spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is more significant than building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
However
, I am of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, since relationships
are fostered
.
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IELTS essay Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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