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Some people think it is importat to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think it is importat to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. v. 1
Nowadays most people are undoubtedly more aware of the importance a healthy lifestyle can have in avoiding disease and consequently in prolonging their lifespan. Nevertheless, some question whether public money should be used as a way of promoting healthy lifestyle so that the likelihood that the population might get ill to significantly decrease, or the sums of money should be allocated for people who are currently afflicted by disease. On the one hand, especially the people living in remote or poor places, but also in other areas, can be prone to disease, which could be contagious. Furthermore, the majority of them do not generally have knowledge regarding how to maintain themselves healthy. It is fundamental for people not to neglect any symptom, even though they do not deem it severe and they expect it to get away soon. Consulting a doctor and taking the medicine he recommends is likely to help one feel better in a few days. The population also has to know that an adequate nutrition and a sporting life strengthen the organism. On the other hand, life takes precedence over money, therefore it is people' s duty to take care of their kin in times of need. Scientists have continuously conducted research into medicine since a long time ago. Consequenty, numerous methods of treating and combating disease have been discovered. Taking into account that technology has led to the creation and development of advanced medical equipment, medicine has never been in a better position asit is today, to allow doctors to save many lives. To conclude although I believe that it is important to invest public money in endorsing healthy lifestyle, it would be unhuman and unfair not to treat the patients who were unfortunate and got ill. The budged should first and foremost ensure proper conditions and remedies for those who already suffer from disease.
Nowadays most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
undoubtedly
more aware of the importance a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle can have in avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
and
consequently
in prolonging their lifespan.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
question whether public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a way of promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the likelihood that the population might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ill to
significantly
decrease, or the sums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be allocated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
currently
afflicted by disease.

On the one hand,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in remote or poor places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in other areas, can be prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
, which could be contagious.
Furthermore
, the majority of them do not
generally
have knowledge regarding how to maintain themselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. It is fundamental for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to neglect any symptom,
even though
they do not deem it
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
severe and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Consulting a doctor and taking the medicine he recommends is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one feel better in a few days. The population
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
know that an adequate nutrition and a sporting life strengthen the organism.

On the other hand
, life takes precedence over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
therefore
it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s duty to take care of their kin in times of need. Scientists have
continuously
conducted research into medicine since a long time ago.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Consequenty
, numerous methods of treating and combating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
have
been discovered
. Taking into account that technology has led to the creation and development of advanced medical equipment, medicine has never been in a better position
Possible spelling mistake found.
asit
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
doctors to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
although I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to invest public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in endorsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle, it would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
unhuman
and unfair not to treat the patients who were unfortunate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
ill. The budged should
first
and foremost ensure proper conditions and remedies for those who already suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is importat to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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