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some people think children should not be allowed to play computer games in their free time while others argue that this activity can be possitive for children. Discuss both views

some people think children should not be allowed to play computer games in their free time while others argue that this activity can be possitive for children. Discuss both views PEynJ
The issue of the merits or otherwise of playing computer games is a controversial matter. While some argue that this activity has a detrimental impact on youngsters, thus they should not be permitted to play them, others state that they can be highly beneficial. This essay will examine both views and argue that participating in gaming should be regarded as acceptable if done in moderation. On the one hand, there are indeed some negatives to gaming. Firstly, it could have a detrimental impact on one’s health. If one plays games excessively then they may neglect other areas, in a particular sport. Thus, gaming can result in youngsters becoming unfit and overweight. Another issue is it could make them isolated and anti-social. Since gamers often spend many hours alone they do not develop friendships or social skills. Hence, this may have a harmful impact on their mental health. However, it is the writer’s view that gaming can have a positive impact on minors provided that they are not played excessively. Firstly, one reason for this is they provide an effective way to relax and limit stress. Currently, many students suffer from study pressure. However, computer games may provide a way to escape study stress, thus, they can improve youngster’s mental health. Furthermore, some games may aid mental development. For example, some games require focus and logic. Thus they may expand one’s mental abilities in ways that academic study can not. In conclusion, although it may be the case that excessive use of computer games may lead to poorer health and more anti-social conduct, they can also bring huge benefits such as a means of relaxing while enhancing one’s mental skills. Thus, it is the author's view that as long as such games are played in balance with other activities they should be regarded as a positive in youngster’s lives.
The issue of the merits or
otherwise
of playing computer
games
is a controversial matter. While
some
argue that this activity has a detrimental
impact
on youngsters,
thus
they should not
be permitted
to play them, others state that they can be
highly
beneficial. This essay will examine both views and argue that participating in
gaming
should
be regarded
as acceptable if done in moderation.

On the one hand, there are
indeed
some
negatives to
gaming
.
Firstly
, it could have a detrimental
impact
on one’s health. If one plays
games
excessively
then they may neglect other areas, in a particular sport.
Thus
,
gaming
can result in youngsters becoming unfit and overweight. Another issue is it could
make
them isolated and anti-social. Since gamers
often
spend
many
hours alone they do not develop friendships or social
skills
.
Hence
, this may have a harmful
impact
on their
mental
health.

However
, it is the writer’s view that
gaming
can have a
positive
impact
on minors provided that they are not played
excessively
.
Firstly
, one reason for this is they provide an effective way to relax and limit
stress
.
Currently
,
many
students suffer from study pressure.
However
, computer
games
may provide a way to escape study
stress
,
thus
, they can
improve
youngster’s
mental
health.
Furthermore
,
some
games
may aid
mental
development.
For example
,
some
games
require focus and logic.
Thus
they may expand one’s
mental
abilities in ways that academic study can not.

In conclusion
, although it may be the case that excessive
use
of computer
games
may lead to poorer health and more anti-social conduct, they can
also
bring huge benefits such as a means of relaxing while enhancing one’s
mental
skills
.
Thus
, it is the author's view that as long as such
games
are played
in balance with other activities they should
be regarded
as a
positive
in
youngster’s
lives
.
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IELTS essay some people think children should not be allowed to play computer games in their free time while others argue that this activity can be possitive for children. Discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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