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Early career decision is good or bad. What other things one can do for prosperous life?

Early career decision is good or bad. What other things one can do for prosperous life? p18D0
Everyone wants to live a satisfying working life, for this to happen people argue that early career path decisions plays a crucial life. In my view i disagree with the statement and following essay will discuss it in details. To begin with, Future is uncertain, we cannot forecast the situations that will take place in future, in the same way, there will be uncertainty in jobs too. We cannot predict which jobs will occupy more priority in future. Moreover, in making fast occupation resolutions there will be lack of awareness, because awareness regarding anything is essential. Furthermore, making decisions by being influenced by friends and relatives. From my personal experience, one of my friends, chosen Administration of management group, because her sister is also into that specialization, but my friend is not really fond of administration and she continued with that group, since there is no option left for her. Moreover, some people choose early decisions in there career without thinking about the financial position of there family. From my personal experience, I chosen to do my bachelor of arts in a reputed college without thinking the capability of my family, consequently burden to my family. In my view, for people to lead a satisfying working life, it is essential to think and analyse more about future, and then to take decisions about career. As well as awareness also plays a key role in deciding about one’s career goal. Last but not least, person should be clear about there interest in certain area in which they want to make career. To draw the conclusion, one decision can change a person’s entire life, So it is quite necessary to make proper commitments in order to lead a satisfying working life.
Everyone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a satisfying working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, for this to happen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
plays a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my view
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
disagree with the statement and following essay will discuss it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Future
is uncertain, we cannot forecast the situations that will take place in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
in the same way
, there will be uncertainty in jobs too. We cannot predict which jobs will occupy more priority in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Moreover
, in making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
occupation resolutions there will be lack of awareness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
awareness regarding anything is essential.

Furthermore
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
by
being influenced
by friends and relatives. From my personal experience, one of my friends, chosen Administration of management group,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
her sister is
also
into that specialization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my friend is not
really
fond of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
administration and
she continued with that group, since there is no option
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for her.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
without thinking about the financial position of there family. From my personal experience, I
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "chose"?
chosen
to do my bachelor of arts in a reputed college without thinking the capability of my family,
consequently
burden to my family.

In my view, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to lead a satisfying working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, and then to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
As well
as awareness
also
plays a key role in deciding about one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
goal. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, person should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
about there interest in certain area in which they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
career.

To draw the conclusion, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a person’s entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is quite necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
proper commitments in order to lead a satisfying working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Early career decision is good or bad. What other things one can do for prosperous life?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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