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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to set up unpaid community work, instead of just being put behind the bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to set up unpaid community work, instead of just being put behind the bars. Ge7e
Incarceration has been effective for culprits from the century. Some people believe that captive should be made to serve community during lock-ups rather than just being jailed. I strongly support above notion and believe that it investigate more positive outcome for both culprits as well as communities. First and foremost, prisoner should be kept busy in local community work. Many government organizations can be unable to accomplish their work due to lack of time and labor workers. Hence, taking the advantage of prisoner’s manpower can be constructive for society as a whole. Secondly, make captive busy in society’s welfare work can be proved advantageous for their psychological development. A sedentary lifestyle behind bar can lead them to more destructive thoughts and they might initiate thinking on criminal activity after confinement. Educated prisoner for instance, can teach their fellow or deprived children without getting paid and serve people in best manner. This can realize them how beneficial the social well fare for them and society. Thus, prisoner should be kept busy and active during their lock-ups. To conclude, sentencing criminals to make them work voluntarily for people can be a great initiative by government. This, irrefutably, can bring out significant impact on community as well as criminals and lead them towards the sense of their responsibility.
Incarceration has been effective for culprits from the century.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that captive should
be made
to serve community during lock-ups
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
being jailed
. I
strongly
support above notion and believe that it investigate more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome for both culprits
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
communities.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoner
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
busy in local community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations can be unable to accomplish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
due to lack of time and labor workers.
Hence
, taking the advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoner’s
manpower can be constructive for society as a whole.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
captive busy in society’s welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
be proved
advantageous for their psychological development. A sedentary lifestyle behind bar can lead them to more destructive
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
thoughts and
they might initiate thinking on criminal activity after confinement. Educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoner
for instance
, can teach their fellow or deprived children without getting paid and serve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the best".
in best
manner. This can realize them how beneficial the social well fare for them and society.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoner
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
busy and active during their lock-ups.

To conclude
, sentencing criminals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
voluntarily
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can be a great initiative by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. This,
irrefutably
, can bring out significant impact on community
as well
as criminals and lead them towards the sense of their responsibility.

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to set up unpaid community work, instead of just being put behind the bars.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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