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People often have different attitudes and opinions with regard to the ideal job they prefer.

People often have different attitudes and opinions with regard to the ideal job they prefer. 5pVB
People often have different attitudes and opinions with regard to the ideal job they prefer. Recently, there have been strong debates on whether or not a job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time. Many people hold the idea that it will be better to choose a job with a high salary and less vacation. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that the job with more vacation time and a low salary is better. Admittedly, there may be one or two advantages of the job with a high salary and less vacation. One advantage is that such jobs allow people to gain more money and envy from others. For example, the layer is one kind of such jobs. Most layers have much money and the public admire them. Because money acts as a necessity in the modern society. another strength involves the possibility that such jobs make people lead better lives. When people choose such jobs and have much money, they can buy delicious foods, good housing, high-quality commodities and goods, healthcare, and so on. Even though there may be one or more advantages of such jobs, the merits of the jobs with more vacation but low salary far outweigh them. First of all, if people choose the job with more vacation but a low salary, they can become healthier and happier. This kind of job means people have more spare time. They can have a good relax in the vocation, which is helpful to their health. In the holiday, they can do many exercises and play sports to reduce stress and release tension. When people have much spare time, they can also enjoy much recreation and amusement, which are the elements of a happy life. In contrast, those people who have high salary but less vacation jobs focus merely on their work. As a result, they ignore their physical and mental health, and may be overwhelmed by pressure. So, more vacation jobs give people health and happiness. What’s more, from my point of view, the relationship between a person and his/her family members will become better and harmonious, if he/she chooses a more vacation job. Because, he/she have more time to stay with them, and take part in family activities, such as picnic and camping. Consequently, he/she has more opportunities to communicate with them. As we all know, the more frequently they communicate, the more harmonious the relationship between them is. Also, his/her relationship with the friends can become better. The reason is similar. While, those who have high salary jobs have fewer opportunities to communicate with their family members and friends, who may think they are apathetic. And then the relationship will be bad. Considering all the factors above, we can safely draw the conclusion that A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better. Such job can give people health, happiness and good relationship with family and friends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attitudes and opinions with regard to the ideal
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job
they prefer. Recently, there have been strong debates on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
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low
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salary
is
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better
than a
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job
with a
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
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less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
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time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it will be
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better
to
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choose
a
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job
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
and
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less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
. Contrary to the opinion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is my heartfelt agreement with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is better.

Admittedly
, there may be one or two advantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
. One advantage is that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and envy from others.
For example
, the layer is one kind of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Most layers have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and the public admire them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
acts as a necessity in the modern society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
another
strength involves the possibility that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. When
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people
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choose
such
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jobs
and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
delicious foods,
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good
housing, high-quality commodities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, healthcare, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Even though
there may be one or more advantages of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, the merits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
far outweigh them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, they can become healthier and happier. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. They can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relax in the vocation, which is helpful to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In the holiday, they can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
exercises and play sports to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and release tension. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they can
also
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
recreation and amusement, which are the elements of a happy life.
In contrast
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
focus
merely
on their work.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and may
be overwhelmed
by pressure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and happiness.

What’s more, from my point of view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
between a person and his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members will become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and harmonious, if he/she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chooses
a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, he/she have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to stay with them, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
activities, such as picnic and camping.
Consequently
, he/she has more opportunities to communicate with them. As we all know, the more
frequently
they communicate, the more harmonious the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
between them is.
Also
, his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with the friends can become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. The reason is similar. While, those who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have fewer opportunities to communicate with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and friends, who may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are apathetic. And then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

Considering all the factors above, we can
safely
draw the conclusion that A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, happiness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends.
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IELTS essay People often have different attitudes and opinions with regard to the ideal job they prefer.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
506 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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