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some people thinh the goverment shuld spend more money on public services rather than waste money on arts

some people thinh the goverment shuld spend more money on public services rather than waste money on arts GJm3Q
Because of serious budget deficit in many countries in the world, what the government should or should not spent on is hot-debate. Some argure that the public purse need to cater for the demand of masses and consume on art or music is waste of money. Although agreeing that most funds should invest for public services, I also believed that it would be imprudent to downplay the dividents of investment in artistic fields. Allocating funds to something which citizens use on regular basic is the most essential work. Spending money on school systems and help everyone to approach with not only moderm education but also to become a successful person with professional knowledge and shy away from bad social problems such as crime or unemployment. Ploughing money back into transportation systems by a part of tax bills is very important to encourage people reduce individual vehicles because it is the best way decreases traffic jams and population. Diverting funds into public services allows everyone to use electricity and water by the cheap fees. These are one of the most important for our life compare to artistic or musical fields which seem trivial and hard to justify pouring money into. But in my opinion, I belived that it is not waste of money to develop artistic fields. The economic contribution of arts is very enormous. The songs, films and art exhibitions can bring a lot of money that amount to the billions of dollars. At the same ttime, it also make demand for eco production like goods, albums, dvds, …. . -businesses that are no less proficant than the sale of the intellectual property that inspire them. Moreover when government funding allocate money to these fields, we can protect cultural identity because artistic creation transform message from authors about the love country to arous people’s patriotism. In conclusion, it is irrefutable that the bulk of state budgets should go to public services, but I believed art also deserves the government’s attention and resources.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of serious budget deficit in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in the world, what the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should or should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
on is hot-debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Possible spelling mistake found.
argure
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
purse need to cater for the demand of masses and consume on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or music is waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Although agreeing that most funds should invest for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services, I
also
believed that it would be imprudent to downplay the
Possible spelling mistake found.
dividents
of investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
fields.

Allocating funds to something which citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
on regular basic is the most essential work. Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on school systems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
everyone to approach with not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
moderm
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to become a successful person with professional knowledge and shy away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
social problems such as crime or unemployment.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ploughing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
back into transportation systems by a part of tax bills is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
individual vehicles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the best way decreases traffic jams and population. Diverting funds into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
electricity and water by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
fees. These are one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for our life compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
or musical fields which seem trivial and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to justify pouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion,
Did you mean "I believed"?
I belived
that it is not waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
fields. The economic contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enormous. The songs, films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that amount to the billions of dollars. At the same
Possible spelling mistake found.
ttime
, it
also
Did you mean "makes"?
make
demand for
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco
production like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, albums,
Possible spelling mistake found.
dvds
, ….
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
-businesses that are no less
Possible spelling mistake found.
proficant
than the sale of the intellectual property that inspire them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to these fields, we can protect cultural identity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
creation transform message from authors about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
country to
Possible spelling mistake found.
arous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s patriotism.

In conclusion
, it is irrefutable that the bulk of state budgets should go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
also
deserves the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s attention and resources.
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IELTS essay some people thinh the goverment shuld spend more money on public services rather than waste money on arts

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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