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Some people things the transport system should build while others believe existing system should improve.

Some people things the transport system should build while others believe existing system should improve. pRRJm
In many place around the world, a large number of people believes that huge amount of money should spend for construct the new railway line in the large cities. However, there are other people who thing that using this money to upgrade existing public transport system is a better idea. This essay will look at both side and then attempt to reach a conclusion. To begin with it is clear that fast trains make travelling between cities much easier. In fact it can be more convenient and cheaper then aircrafts. However, it can be more faster than traveling by plan because you do not have to wait so long at the airport. Nervetheless, the cost of long distance train system is very high and that money can be used in a more effective way. On the other hand, this leads to the idea of using to improve the current transportation sector. For example although many old produce a lot of smoke and spending this money on replacing the current buses with electronic bus, which do not make harmful emissions. Furthermore, current public transport what we using every day it make sense to improve rather than build new system that might not be used so much. In conclusion, a very fast train system is a good idea to make connection between cities. In other way, if it is a money issue so better to improve the current transport system to high standard before making new plans.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
place around the world,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should spend for construct the new railway line in the large cities.
However
, there are other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a thing".
who thing
that using this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to upgrade existing public transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. This essay will look at both side and then attempt to reach a conclusion.

To
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begin
with it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
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fast
trains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
travelling between cities much easier. In
The comma is probably missing here: "fact, it".
fact it
can be more convenient and
Did you mean "cheaper than"?
cheaper then
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "aircraft", the plural form of the noun 'aircraft'?
aircrafts
.
However
, it can be
Use only "faster" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more faster
than traveling by plan
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because
you do not
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have to
wait
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so
long at the airport.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nervetheless
, the cost of long distance train
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system
is
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very
high and that
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money
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a more effective way.

On the other hand
, this leads to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of using to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
transportation sector.
For example
although
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many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
smoke and spending this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on replacing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
buses with electronic bus, which do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
harmful emissions.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
public transport what
Did you mean "we're using", "we are using", or "we were using"?
we using
every day it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
sense to
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improve
rather
than build new
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system
that might not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much.

In conclusion
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
cities. In other way, if it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
to high standard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making new plans.
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IELTS essay Some people things the transport system should build while others believe existing system should improve.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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