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Some people suggest that social networking and online communication have increased social isolation. In what ways do you think this has happened?

Some people suggest that social networking and online communication have increased social isolation. In what ways do you think this has happened? yXxoM
In recent years some people advocate that use of social networking is significantly and rapidly inreasing notably among young generation, this has a serious consequence which is social isolation. Especially since last decade I agree that social networking has weakened social bonds rather than helping their life easier. Most visible developments in recent years has occured in technological devices. Personal computers are at everybody’s desks, smartphones are everybody’s pockets. It is not a very big deal to communicate with your family member who is living at other side of the world. Before internet had not involved into our lives at this level, people were writing the letter each other to correspond, maybe they were waiting an answer for weeks. In those time, telephone was only opportunity for a mother to hear her son’s voice. That’s why I believe that communication in those times is more valuable comparing today. If something is obtained easily, it does not have much more worth. As though it can be said for today’s communication, too. Today people can correspond each other efortless, therefore making a new friend does not make sense for them because by help of their smartphone and social networking they can meet countless of people in a short term of time. Today’s world the shape of friendship has differentiated namely, people has commenced to communicate by texting. Particulary new generation supposes that is the right way to make new friends and being social even though it is obviously wrong. They need to meet face to face, make some common activities such as doing a sport or going to a theather or debate politely each other. Such these activities will make people social otherwise they have been lonely in that virtual world. Unfortunately in coming years being isolated from others will increase dramaticly if necessary precautions are not taken. As a result social networking is a very usefull tool to communicate however people should have some restrictions to prevent to seize their life completely. Otherwise social isolation is an indispensible result.
In recent years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking is
significantly
and
rapidly
Possible spelling mistake found.
inreasing
notably
among young generation, this has a serious consequence which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
isolation.
Especially
since last decade I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking has weakened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
bonds
rather
than helping their life easier.

Most visible developments in recent years has
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
in technological devices. Personal computers are at everybody’s desks, smartphones are everybody’s pockets. It is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal to communicate with your family member who is living at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
internet had not involved into our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at this level,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were writing the letter each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to correspond, maybe they were waiting an answer for weeks. In those time, telephone was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
opportunity for a mother to hear her son’s voice. That’s why I believe that communication in those times is more valuable comparing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. If something
is obtained
easily
, it does not have much more worth. As though it can
be said
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s communication, too.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can correspond each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
efortless
,
therefore
making a new friend does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sense for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their smartphone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
countless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a short term of time.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s world the shape of friendship has differentiated
namely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
commenced to communicate by texting.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Particulary
new generation supposes
that is
the right way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
new friends and being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
even though
it is
obviously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. They need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
face to face,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
common activities such as doing a sport or going to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
theather
or debate
politely
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Such these activities will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
otherwise
they have been lonely in that virtual world. Unfortunately in coming years
being isolated
from others will increase
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramaticly
if necessary precautions are not taken.

As a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
usefull
tool to communicate
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
to seize their life completely.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
isolation is an
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispensible
result.
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IELTS essay Some people suggest that social networking and online communication have increased social isolation. In what ways do you think this has happened?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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