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Mass media and the internet have caused people’s attention spans to get shorter. However, the overall effect has been positive: while people are less able to focus on one thing, they more than make up for it with an enhanced ability to sort through large quantities of information and find what’s important.

Mass media and the internet have caused people’s attention spans to get shorter. However, the overall effect has been positive: while people are less able to focus on one thing, they more than make up for it with an enhanced ability to sort through large quantities of information and find what’s important. awlGY
The topic raises the controversial issue of whether the mass media and internet are making the people's attention shorter, although it has overall positive effects. Indisputably, the mass media and internet are making people lazy as well as perseverance in a specific subject is very low now-a-days. Nevertheless, mass media and internet have created enormous opportunity to learn, communicate, sharing thoughts among peoples. Thus I generally disagree with the opinion that mass media and internet making people lazy and they are not persistent in a particular field and would agree that the mass media and internet are creating positive effects on human as well as our society in a broad sense. First of all, internet and mass media has created the opportunity to easy access of any information. Now a days, the conception is very popular that "access to information''. I would like to point out that the mass media and internet are giving us the opportunity to gain any information what wee need to know or learn. To illustrate, let us look at the example of tourism, if one would like to visit a new country he or she can find the food, culture etc of the locality with the help of internet or he or she can have the related news about the country. Consequently, it is pretty obvious that the internet and mass media have overall positive effects. Furthermore, some people says that, internet and mass media are making people lazy and our thought process is going down. Specifically, social media may be their main concern. For example they can say, young people are passing more time on facebook, twitter etc. Both, common sense and personal experience told that its not true because recently we observed that some phenomenal revolution started from social media like awareness in global warming. Admittedly, some people says perseverance in a specific subject is very low now a days. This is true especially when it comes to some some research oriented subject like mathematics, physics etc. In conclusion, although the opposite ideas are good but not enough to justify the issue.
The topic raises the controversial issue of whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and internet are making the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attention shorter, although it has
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
Indisputably
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and internet are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy
as well
as perseverance in a specific subject is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and internet have created enormous opportunity to learn, communicate, sharing thoughts among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I
generally
disagree with the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and internet making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lazy and
they are not persistent in a particular field and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and internet are creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on human
as well
as our society in a broad sense.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has created the opportunity to easy access of any information.
Did you mean "nowadays"?
Now a days
, the conception is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
access to information''. I would like to point out that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and internet are giving us the opportunity to gain any information what wee need to know or learn. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us look at the example of tourism, if one would like to visit a new country he or she can find the food, culture etc of the locality with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internet or
he or she can have the related news about the country.
Consequently
, it is pretty obvious that the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
says
that, internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy and our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process is going down.
Specifically
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
may be their main concern. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, they".
example they
can say, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are passing more time on
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
, twitter etc. Both, common sense and personal experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that its not true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
recently we observed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
phenomenal revolution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like awareness in global warming.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
says
perseverance in a specific subject is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
. This is true
especially
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research oriented subject like mathematics, physics etc.

In conclusion
, although the opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to justify the issue.
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IELTS essay Mass media and the internet have caused people’s attention spans to get shorter. However, the overall effect has been positive: while people are less able to focus on one thing, they more than make up for it with an enhanced ability to sort through large quantities of information and find what’s important.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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