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Why do you want to be an engineer, and why do you feel diversity is important in the engineering profession?

Why do you want to be an engineer, and why do you feel diversity is important in the engineering profession? 9LwbX
I want to become an engineer to build something which really helps people and solve major problems. To change the world with my inventions and solutions for a greener, happier world that would affect everyone’s lives. As an engineer, we design solutions to human problems, but not just any old solution will do. Our solutions have to satisfy many factors such as cost, weight, size, ergonomics, environmental impact, reliability, safety, manufacture, repair, construction, power consumption, heat dissipation and many more. Finding an elegant solution that satisfies those constraints is one of the most creative acts I know. I also deeply believe that diversity is important in the field of engineering. I personally admit that creativity is not something that just happens. It is the result of making unexpected connections between things we already know. Hence, creativity depends on our life experiences. Without diversity, the life experiences we bring to an engineering problem are limited. As a consequence, we may not find the best engineering solution. We may not find an elegant engineering solution. I believe we can make a start of diversity by sharing our experiences and ideas with each other. So, diversity is important in the engineering profession.
I want to become an engineer to build something which
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and solve major problems. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the world with my inventions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
for a greener, happier world that would affect everyone’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As an engineer, we design
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to human problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
will do. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
satisfy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors such as cost, weight, size, ergonomics, environmental impact, reliability, safety, manufacture, repair, construction, power consumption, heat dissipation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. Finding an elegant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
that satisfies those constraints is one of the most creative acts I know.

I
also
deeply
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diversity
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
. I
personally
admit that creativity is not something that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
happens. It is the result of making unexpected connections between things we already know.
Hence
, creativity depends on our life experiences. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diversity
, the life experiences we bring to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
problem
are limited
. As a consequence, we may not find the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
. We may not find an elegant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
. I believe we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diversity
by sharing our experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diversity
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
profession.
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IELTS essay Why do you want to be an engineer, and why do you feel diversity is important in the engineering profession?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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