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Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. xm019
Nowadays, it is assumed by a number of people that children are not aware of working environment during the school time. For this reason, they should be allowed to work in a part-time job on the condition that they don't give up academic study. This essay totally support this idea because it helps children to identify their field of interest about their future profession as well as improve their self-confidence and become morally ready for working condition. Firstly, Doing the job while studying at school gives children an opportunity to clarify the fields that can be suitable for their interests after leaving the school. This is because, children have no idea about what job area is the right one for them and major they should choose. Thus working at the early age gives them a chance to separate appropriate fields for them. For instance, when I finished the school, I had no idea what to do and how to satisfy my exigencies and it was difficult for me to opt suitable job for me. In addition, Working while studying assists students to adapt easily to the working condition due to working and understanding the world of working. Students who are working in a particular job get better results and improvement that those who never do the job during the school time. This factor can increase the students self-confidence and help them to supply economically themselves. Taking an example, according to the Business Times, a recent survey revealed that 73 percent of chances that the kid who did the job while studying at school performed better comparing with the students who did not focus on any job. In conclusion, doing a particular job in a school period is benificial for all pupils if it does not have negative effect on their education.
Nowadays, it
is assumed
by a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time.
For this reason
, they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to work in a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
on the condition that they don't give up academic study. This essay
totally
support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to identify their field
The usual collocation for word "interest" is "in" not "about." Revise: "of interest in".
of interest about
their future profession
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their self-confidence and become
morally
ready for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
condition.

Firstly
, Doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an opportunity to clarify the fields that can be suitable for their interests after leaving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
area is the right one for them and major they should choose.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at the early age gives them a chance to separate appropriate fields for them.
For instance
, when I finished the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I had no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
what to do and how to satisfy my exigencies and it was difficult for me to opt suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for me.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
while studying assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to adapt
easily
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
condition due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and understanding the world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better results and improvement that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
never do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time. This factor can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
self-confidence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to supply
economically
themselves. Taking an example, according to the Business Times, a recent survey revealed that 73 percent of chances that the kid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
performed better comparing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not focus on any job.

In conclusion
, doing a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
period is
Possible spelling mistake found.
benificial
for all pupils if it does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their education.
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IELTS essay Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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