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Some people say traditional celebrations are getting less popular. What are the causes of this, and how can we make them become popular again?

Some people say traditional celebrations are getting less popular. What are the causes of this, and how can we make them become popular again? pRK6w
It is undoubtedly true that modern activities are going to rival traditional celebrations. It is believed by some that a myriad of traditional events are losing their popularity at an alarming rate. In this essay, I am going to discuss some of the reasons why traditional festivals are becoming less attractive for some people and how to tackle this matter. One of the main reasons of the problem is lack of attention from the government. It is often said that the government tends to promote international events as a magnet to attract foreign tourists rather than traditional events. A standout example of this is the Sea Games event in 2011 when the Indonesian government was elected as the host. In fact, it spent billion rupiahs for exorbitant advertisements and a plethora of sport facilities renovation which are considered vital to make the event successful. As a result, despite celebrating traditional events in their neighbourhood, people would be more attracted to attend global events which are more appealing. To tackle this issue, the government should give equal attention to local and international celebrations which could make people enticed to come and enjoy cultural events. Unless the government spends a fair amount of expenditure on both celebrations, the traditional ones would eventually disappear and be forgotten by local people. The second cause of the problem is the massive development of a city. By and large, the government has established a myriad of leisure amenities which enables people, particularly adolescents, as an exciting place to let their hair down on a typical weekend. A standout example of this is Disneyland, where both domestic and foreign people spend their free time with their families and friends to explore and seek new experiences. Consequently, more and more people would prefer to visit modern recreational places than traditional carnivals. The way forward could be parents as their inner circle should educate millennials about the importance of local celebrations which aim to protect the culture’s heritage. To sum up, the decline in popularity of traditional celebrations has become increasingly prevalent nowadays due to the government’s policy and substantial expansion. This is a serious problem, and allocating more budget to traditional events as well as providing education to children are essential to solve this issue, otherwise, our ancestors’ traditions would no longer exist in the future. In my view, the main responsibility to combat this cultural issue lies with the government and parents.
It is
undoubtedly
true that modern activities are going to rival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that a myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are losing their popularity at an alarming rate. In this essay, I am going to discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
festivals are becoming less attractive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and how to tackle this matter.

One of the main reasons of the problem is lack of attention from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
tends to promote international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
as a magnet to attract foreign tourists
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. A standout example of this is the Sea Games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in 2011 when the Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
was elected
as the host. In fact, it spent
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
rupiahs for exorbitant advertisements and a plethora of sport
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "facilities'" or "facility's"?
facilities
renovation which
are considered
vital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
successful.
As a result
, despite celebrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be more attracted to attend global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
which are more appealing. To tackle this issue, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give equal attention to local and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enticed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and enjoy cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. Unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spends a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of expenditure on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
ones would
eventually
disappear and
be forgotten
by local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The second cause of the problem is the massive development of a city. By and large, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has established a myriad of leisure amenities which enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
particularly
adolescents, as an exciting place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their hair down on a typical weekend. A standout example of this is Disneyland, where both domestic and foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their free time with their families and friends to explore and seek new experiences.
Consequently
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would prefer to visit modern recreational places than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
carnivals. The way forward could be parents as their inner circle should educate millennials about the importance of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
which aim to protect the culture’s heritage.

To sum up, the decline in popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
has become
increasingly
prevalent nowadays due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
policy and substantial expansion. This is a serious problem, and allocating more budget to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
as well
as providing education to children are essential to solve this issue,
otherwise
, our ancestors’ traditions would no longer exist in the future. In my view, the main responsibility to combat this cultural issue lies with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and parents.
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IELTS essay Some people say traditional celebrations are getting less popular. What are the causes of this, and how can we make them become popular again?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
405 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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