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Some people say the same way to be happy in life is to be a lot of money

Some people say the same way to be happy in life is to be a lot of money PV7Qj
In a modern world, there are many things to buy paying money. On the contrary at the same time, we will never able to buy stuff though we are millionaire. On the one hand, banknotes can buy visible products, such as bags, cars, toys, houses and much more for our pleasure. A friend of mine when he is stressful, like to go shopping and get rid of stress and satisfied, as he has a lot of cash. Moreover funds are very important for not visible items. For example, if any of family member is illed requiring a expensive surgery, the most crucial factor is decide to proceed with the treatment without having any problems. We can not only make ourselves, when we have lot of money, we are also happy with commodity, we never purchase with wealth. My parents have not huge amount of funds, consequently they provide me a lot of love, became best friend to listen to me, when I was in trouble. I grow up with a positive positive way of thinking, rather than complaining about the gadgets we could not buy for me. In conclusion through my experience, we can make our life convenient, when we have enough money, but need not to frustrated without having it. By focusing on what we have on our hand and drive to achieve, we can always happy.
In a modern world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
paying money.
On the contrary
at the same time, we will never able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
stuff though we are millionaire.

On the one hand, banknotes can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
visible products, such as bags, cars, toys,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and much more for our pleasure. A friend of mine when he is stressful, like to go shopping and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and satisfied, as he has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cash.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
funds are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for not visible items.
For example
, if any of family member is
Possible spelling mistake found.
illed
requiring
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
expensive surgery, the most crucial factor is decide to proceed with the treatment without having any problems.

We can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ourselves, when we have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
money, we are
also
happy with commodity, we never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
with wealth. My parents have not huge amount of funds,
consequently
they provide me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, became best friend to listen to me, when I was in trouble. I grow up with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way of thinking,
rather
than complaining about the gadgets we could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
for me.

In conclusion
through my experience, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life convenient, when we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
need not to frustrated without having it.

By focusing on what we have on our hand and drive to achieve, we
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
can always happy
.
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IELTS essay Some people say the same way to be happy in life is to be a lot of money

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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