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Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? 2bQ0k
With the development of the times, many families send their elderly family members in nursing homes because it is considered to ease their work, even this trend has become commonplace, especially in developed countries. First of all, let’s look at the advantages, the employees at the nursing homes must be people who are experienced in their fields so they are always there and ready to help all the needs of the elderly. For instance, about food, the employee at the nursing home certainly have prepared healthy meals for the elderly so the family would not have to worry about the health of the food. Not only this, the mobility or facilities provided by the nursing home also have been adjusted according to their age, so the elderly will not find it difficult and the family at home also feels safe. However, nursing homes also have disadvantages, at the nursing home they are having some regulation which must be obeyed by the family, for example, visiting hours which have certain restrictions so that the family cannot visit them all the time and make elderly people feeling lonely. To make matters worse, it has been shown that those who are lonely are at greater risk of becoming depressed and having their immune system weakens. The conclusion is, despite the advantages of specially trained employee and well equipped facilities the nursing homes offer the elderly, the family should consider the disadvantages so that it can provide safe conditions for the elderly.
With the development of the times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members in nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is considered
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
their work, even this trend has become commonplace,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
’s look at the advantages, the employees at the nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are experienced
in their fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are always there and ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
all the needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
.
For instance
, about food, the employee at the nursing home
certainly
have prepared healthy meals for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
would not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about the health of the food. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, the mobility or facilities provided by the nursing home
also
have
been adjusted
according to their age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
will not find it difficult and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
at home
also
feels safe.

However
, nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
also
have disadvantages, at the nursing home they are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regulation which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be obeyed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
for example
, visiting hours which have certain restrictions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
cannot visit them all the time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feeling lonely. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
matters worse, it has
been shown
that those who are lonely are at greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of becoming depressed and having their immune system weakens.

The conclusion is, despite the advantages of
specially
trained employee and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
facilities the nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
offer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should consider the disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can provide safe conditions for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
.
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IELTS essay Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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