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Some people say the main way to be happy is to have a lot of money. How might a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life make people happy?

Some people say the main way to be happy is to have a lot of money. How might a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life make people happy? 2brPw
Money is an essential element in people's lives which brings happiness. Money brings comfort and luxuries to one's life which can make people happy. However, true happiness lies in simple things. For example: to be surrounded by loved ones, extend kindness and affection to the people around and help less privileged people in the society. Money makes people happy because money can bring comfort to people's lives. People want to live a comfortable life. In today's world, where individuals have to pay for basic necessities like clean water, electricity and healthcare, only money makes life comfortable and hence brings happiness too. A lot of money can also buy people luxuries like a spacious car, a well built house, good food and fine clothes. People can travel around the world only with money. All these luxuries have become a necessary element of recent times and a life without luxuries considered unhappy. On the contrary, happiness is not associated with money, it has a direct connection with the people themselves. The other important factor which makes a person happy is to be around your family. Parents, siblings, spouse and children all are pure relations that a person can cherish in their lives. People can not live a happy life being lonely just with money. Moreover, a simple act of kindness is also a great source of happiness. Even a motivating smile and few words of acknowledgement can play a vital part to extend happiness. Furthermore, sharing makes everyone happy. Helping someone in need is another way to be happy. The joy of giving away can not be explained in words. To conclude, money is definitely essential for a better living and for a comfortable life but true happiness is related to simple things in life. In my opinion, money brings temporary pleasure. Therefore, people need to understand and start enjoying and appreciating what Allah has blessed us with.
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Money
is an essential element in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
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lives
which
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brings
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happiness
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
comfort and
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luxuries
to one's
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life
which can
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make
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
However
, true
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happiness
lies in simple things.
For example
: to
be surrounded
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones, extend kindness and affection to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
less privileged
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people
in the society.

Money
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makes
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
comfort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
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lives
.
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People
want to
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live
a comfortable
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life
. In
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today
's world, where individuals
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have to
pay for
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
like clean water, electricity and healthcare,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
comfortable and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
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happiness
too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
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money
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
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people
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luxuries
like a spacious car, a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well built
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
food and fine clothes.
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People
can travel around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with
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money
. All these
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luxuries
have become a necessary element of recent times and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
luxuries
considered unhappy.

On the contrary
,
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happiness
is not associated with
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money
, it has a direct connection with the
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people
themselves. The other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
is to be around your family. Parents, siblings, spouse and children all are pure relations that a person can cherish in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
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People
can not
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live
a
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happy
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life
being lonely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
, a simple act of kindness is
also
a great source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Even a motivating smile and few words of
Possible spelling mistake. 'acknowledgement' is British English.
acknowledgement
can play a vital part to extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Furthermore
, sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Helping someone in need is another way to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. The joy of giving away can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in words.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is definitely essential for a better living and for a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is related
to simple things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
temporary pleasure.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to understand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
enjoying and appreciating what Allah has blessed us with.
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IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy is to have a lot of money. How might a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life make people happy?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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