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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have lot of money.How might having lot of money make people happy ? what other things in life can make people happy ?

It is considered by some that money is the key to happiness in life. It is true that sufficient amount of money is needed to survive in life, but it is not the only thing which is required to be happy. To begin with, Money is one integral part of our day to day life. Almost all the activities in our daily routine need money and all those are interconnected. For example for meals, to travel, for health care etc. . we have to spend money. Some may have enough money to survive while others may have more than money they required. Some may spend them to travel, to party or to buy properties. For instance if you have enough money you can have a luxurious life that you are wishing for. Secondly, money is not the only fact that make people happy. There are many things that money can not buy. For example any person need and love and care in there life which cannot be buy. There are many incidents have been reported where wealthy people committed subside due to depression, that is mainly because although they have more than enough money they don't have mental freedom. To conclude, Money is essential for our day to day life, but it is not the only thing which need to have a successful happy life. Happiness which can be gained from mental freedom is much more important than the happiness we gain form the things we get buy spending money.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the key to happiness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is true that sufficient amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is needed
to survive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing which
is required
to be happy.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is one integral part of our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Almost all the activities in our daily routine need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and all those
are interconnected
.
For example
for meals, to travel, for health care etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
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have to
spend
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money
.
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Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
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enough
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money
to survive while others may have more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they required.
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Some
may spend them to travel, to party or to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
properties.
For instance
if you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
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money
you can have a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that you
The verb 'wishing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are wishing
for.

Secondly
,
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money
is not the
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only
fact that
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make
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people
happy. There are
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many
things that
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money
can not
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buy
.
For example
any person need and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care in there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which cannot be
Consider using a past participle here: "bought".
buy
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
incidents have
been reported
where wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
committed subside due to depression,
that is
mainly
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because
although they have more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they don't have mental freedom.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is essential for our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing which need to have a successful happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Happiness which can
be gained
from mental freedom is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the happiness we gain form the things we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Did you mean "by"?
buy
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have lot of money. How might having lot of money make people happy? what other things in life can make people happy?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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