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Many museums charge for admission fee. Do their advantage overweigh disadvantage?

Many museums charge for admission fee. Do their advantage overweigh disadvantage? oVJjq
The given figures illustrate the process of life of the big fish known as Salmon. Overall, it can be observed that Salmon completes its life cycle in three stages, beginning from fry and ending with adult Salmon. However, this fish is only able to gain its full size during adult stage. In the initiating phase or the first stage, the fish lays its egg in the river which moves slowly, after around a time of half a year, it hatches its egg and fry can be formed with around three to eight centimeters. Likewise, after the completion of initial stage, the fry starts to live in comparatively rapid flowing water rather than that of egg. After around four years, it is capable of being smolt with a length of 12 to 15 cm. Similarly, Smolt swims in the open sea for almost one year more than that of fry then it would be ‘adult salmon’ of more than around five times larger than that of Smolt. And again after laying the eggs the process continues.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
figures illustrate the process of life of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fish known as Salmon.

Overall
, it can
be observed
that Salmon completes its life cycle in three stages, beginning from fry and ending with adult Salmon.
However
, this fish is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
able to gain its full size during adult stage.

In the initiating phase or the
first
stage, the fish lays its egg in the river which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
slowly
, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
a time of half a year, it hatches its egg and fry can
be formed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
three to eight centimeters.

Likewise
, after the completion of initial stage, the fry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
comparatively
rapid flowing water
rather
than that of egg. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
four years, it is capable of
Possible spelling mistake found.
being smolt
with a length of 12 to 15 cm.
Similarly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Smolt
swims in the open sea for almost one year more than that of fry then it would be ‘adult salmon’ of more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
five times larger than that of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Smolt
. And again after laying the eggs the process continues.
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IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission fee. Do their advantage overweigh disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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