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Some people say that young people should spend time building a successful career. Others think that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that young people should spend time building a successful career. Others think that spending time with friends and family is more important. 82X5
It is considered by some people that younger generation should concentrate on establishing a successful career. However, others think that it is more beneficial to give the priority to the friends and family. In my opinion, I believe that it is more important for youth to pay attention to their future profession. On the one hand, some think that focusing on creating a prosperous career is valuable for young people because it will provide financial stability for them and their families. In other words, spending more time to achieve a good progress in their targeted jobs will help them to gain more experience. This will surely reflect positively on their salaries, which are required to fulfill their aspirations. To illustrate the idea, a study revealed that 70% of the employees who started to focus on their career from earlier stages, have managed to enhance their career pathway by receiving significant promotions with good salaries. Therefore, it just shows how profitable it would be for youngsters to concentrate on building their career. On the other hand, many people claim that sharing more time with companions and relatives should be more useful. This point of view considers that having healthy relationships will affect positively on young people personalities. For instance, a study showed that having a good links with beloved ones is improving the individual mental health and significantly reduces the occurrence of depression, anxiety, and other mental illness. Therefore, being physically present with them creates a strong emotional support to overcome life challenges. In conclusion, according to some, young people should mainly look after their career. However, others believe it is more appreciated to spend the time with friends and family. Younger generation should focus on their occupation to obtain their successful career.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that younger generation should concentrate on establishing a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more beneficial to give the priority to the friends and family. In my opinion, I believe that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for youth to pay attention to their future profession.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that focusing on creating a prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is valuable for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will provide financial stability for them and their families. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, spending more time to achieve a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
progress in their targeted jobs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to gain more experience. This will
surely
reflect
positively
on their salaries, which
are required
to fulfill their aspirations. To illustrate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, a study revealed that 70% of the employees who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
from earlier stages, have managed to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
pathway by receiving significant promotions with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salaries.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how profitable it would be for youngsters to concentrate on building their career.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that sharing more time with companions and relatives should be more useful. This point of view considers that having healthy relationships will affect
positively
on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
personalities.
For instance
, a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
links with beloved ones is improving the individual mental health and
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the occurrence of depression, anxiety, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
mental illness.
Therefore
, being
physically
present with them creates a strong emotional support to overcome life challenges.

In conclusion
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
mainly
look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
However
, others believe it is more
The verb 'appreciated' is used with the gerund form: "appreciated spending".
appreciated to spend
the time with friends and family. Younger generation should focus on their occupation to obtain their successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.

IELTS essay Some people say that young people should spend time building a successful career. Others think that spending time with friends and family is more important.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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