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Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on ohers. Discuss both views

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on ohers. Discuss both views 77Xb
These days, entertainers play an important role in influencing citizens from their activities, achievements, and creations. However, there is a pro and con in communities, some argue that they give a negative impact on society and too expensive to be paid, whilst other people are otherwise. This essay will examine both views and will finally end with my opinion. Different people have various ways to relieve their tensions and stress in their daily life, and using entertainment is one of the best ways that people cope with. Behind the finest creation, there are the best entertainers indeed. , to create valuable content they require many things, such as crew, creative teams, and the amount of money to bear their effort. For instance, a singer before launching his song should spend money to record and compose his song for the producer, composer, songwriter, and concert, so that is why when he holds a concert, the show tickets will be costly and it is comparable to what he and his crew do. Moreover, some people are willing to expend their money on the show for enjoying the performance without considering other things. On the contrary, some societies have negative sides for the performers. Apart from the high-paid concert, people assume that they have bad behavior such as consuming drugs, drunk, clubbing, impolite, and others. For example, a vocalist from a stunning band had been grabbed because of drugs, and an actor is involved in a crime, the two cases that happen give a stigma on citizens that they are bad. To conclude, although some people think that entertainers have bad attitudes, that can affect them, nevertheless, others do not care about that because, besides the downsides, entertainers always provide some positive sides to people with their result of the work and not all of them are wrong, as well as many of them are the finest influencer. In my opinion, the later ones have a better perspective as by putting the respective sides to the entertainers.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in influencing citizens from their activities, achievements, and creations.
However
, there is a pro and con in communities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that they give a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on society and too expensive to
be paid
, whilst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
otherwise
. This essay will examine both views and will
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with my opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have various ways to relieve their tensions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in their daily life, and using entertainment is one of the best ways that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cope with. Behind the finest creation, there are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
indeed
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
to create valuable content they require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things, such as crew, creative teams, and the amount of money to bear their effort.
For instance
, a singer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
launching his song should spend money to record and compose his song for the producer, composer, songwriter, and concert,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that is
why when he holds a concert, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
tickets will be costly and it is comparable to what he and his crew do.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to expend their money on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
for enjoying the performance without considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
societies have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides for the performers. Apart from the high-paid concert,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior such as consuming drugs, drunk, clubbing, impolite,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
For example
, a vocalist from a stunning band had
been grabbed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of drugs, and an actor
is involved
in a crime, the two cases that happen give a stigma on citizens that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitudes, that can affect them,
nevertheless
, others do not care about that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
besides
the downsides,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
always provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their result of the work and not all of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are the finest influencer. In my opinion, the later ones have a better perspective as by putting the respective sides to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
.

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on ohers. Discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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